Of Coffee and Owls
by Cat in the Window
Summary: Few people have new souls. Those unfortunate to remember have a tendency to find each other. Reincarnation Modern AU. Kili/OC.
1. Chapter 1

I don't really know if this will be read. I mean, it's an AU with an OC. But I can't help it. Inspired by a rekindled love of _Being Human _and the fact that Kili was also my favorite dwarf in the book. Possibly because he's only the equivalent to an eighteen-year-old in dwarf years, which is considered a minor for dwarves, and that makes everything sadder. Also the cover photo, who's the girl and a project I had in a computers class.

The university is made up.

Owen: Ori

Gilbert: Gloin

**Warning: **possible OOC in the beginning, but it makes sense as to why. Also it was written at two in the morning. Spare me.

Reincarnation. So, the focus isn't entirely on the romance because Kili's trying to figure out what's wrong with his brain. Also he and Thorin and Bilbo are the only three to keep their original names.

Disclaimer: only own Shay.

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Kili has a dream he's about to be stepped on by a giant spider.

He wakes suddenly and it takes him a moment to remember that he's in his dorm room bed, the storm outside nowhere near touching him and no spiders anywhere close to him. Even so, he feels the lingering pain of imagined injuries and he knows he's not getting anymore sleep tonight. _3:06_ his cell phone reads. God, does he hate his life. Owen is sleeping peacefully on the other side of the room, undisturbed, which is good. This means Kili didn't scream.

Quietly, he slips out of his covers and drops himself to the floor. Though it's still summer, it's cold and he pulls on the sweater that hangs over his chair. They aren't even out of Orientation yet and already the nightmares are getting worse. He's been staying in New York City since July first with his uncle, his brother not even an hour away in New Jersey, and though the dreams hadn't disappeared entirely, they'd lessened. Now he's in school away from Uncle Thorin who'd put up with getting woken up in the wee hours of the morning with a patience that surprised him. It wasn't at all like Mam, who would get him back on medication if he wasn't allergic to anything medicinal. When he got really desperate, he took Benadryl, which is pretty much the only thing he can handle, but he doesn't have access to it here.

Deciding that hanging out in the room won't do him any good, he goes outside, snagging his mug off his desk as he leaves and shutting both the room door and the suite door as soundlessly as he can manage. The carpet keeps his bare feet from being too cold, but he still thinks that he should've grabbed socks. In his exhausted state though, he isn't up for anything. He walks to the quiet study automatically for the third night in a row, deciding to use the coffee maker and and Stop & Shop brand that he keeps hidden in the unused drawer even though he knows he can't keep doing this to himself. Last time led to a break down so bad it took his brother forty-five minutes to bring him back to reality and he doesn't fancy the idea of getting labeled crazy.

The hallway is deserted, which comes as a relief. In a few rooms he still hears the drunken laughter, but considering people starting partying at about five, most are probably sick by this point. The quiet study's light is still off and that hopefully means no one's in there. He opens the door and enters, and finds himself genuinely surprised.

Because there's someone else in here already.

Pale eyes snap up to his brown ones and he sees that it's a girl. The moonlight streaming through the windows throws her face in sharp relief, revealing short, messy hair and fine features. There's a mug in her hand along with a can of coffee and a bottle of creamer next to the communal coffee pot. Apparently he isn't the only insomniac.

For a moment, the two of them just stare at each other. Then the girl says, "Are you in here for coffee?" There's a slight accent on the world _coffee_, the 'o' coming out as for of an 'aw' sound. Since he isn't America, he can't tell exactly what it is, but it sounds like similar to the way Filly's neighbors talk.

In his own tired state, it takes him a moment to comprehend that one short sentence. "Yeah," he answers, "but if you want me to leave, that's okay."

"No, it's fine," she tells him. "I'm not stealing a public place. You can use the coffee that's left in the pot and creamer if you don't want it black. The spoon's the sink."

"You sure?" He's desperate enough to drink it black, sure, but that doesn't mean he likes it. She nods and he has just enough left in him to remember the manners his family's drilled into his head. "Thanks."

"Can't sleep?" she asks and he really doesn't mind the idea of talking to someone. Kili, like his brother, is talkative and on normal days energetic as hell. Both his mom and his uncle are so serious and apparently his dad was too so he has no idea where he and Filly got this from.

As he pours the hazelnut into his coffee, he says, "Pretty much. You?"

"Nightmare."

The spoon clatters into the sink again louder than he intends and he turns around. Despite being somewhat of an exception on the grounds of being the youngest and quite possibly insane, he grew up learning never to tell anyone what's wrong. To put up a front like everything's perfect unless it's family. So this blatant admittance comes as something of a surprise. "Me too," he tells her because she said it first. That, and he's tired and slow and feels the compulsive need to talk.

She blinks at him. Once. Twice. He can't tell the exact color of her eyes or hair. "What of?" she asks. Uncle Thorin and Mam would call it nosy; he calls it curious. "And you can sit, if you want."

He joins her and takes a snip of the coffee. It's lukewarm, but he instantly feels a little more away. Not that this is saying much. "I don't remember most of it," he says, running his fingers through his curls. It must be a wreck right now but he's never been one to care much anyway. He gets girls without even trying. "I think it had to do with getting cased by a giant spider, but I'm not sure."

"Arachnophobic?" He nods. "I'm allergic."

The hazelnut makes this perfect. "That sucks," he says. "What was yours?"

The girl looks down at her mug and she adjusts the way she's sitting, one elbow on the table. "I don't remember much either," she answers and lets out a sound that's half way between a short laugh and a sigh. "Just a lot of red and someone shouting Chava."

"Is that your name?" he says and slumps back against the uncomfortable plastic chairs.

"No," she says. "That's why it makes no sense. You're Irish, right?" He nods, not sure what it has to do with the question but deciding to just run with it. "Well, my name's Shay. I know it's a guy's name in Ireland, but I'm Jewish so it's short to Shayna."

Back in his hometown, he has a neighbor named Shay who's the most flamboyant gay man he's ever met. "My brother's name is Fievel, but we aren't Jewish. My dad got it from that movie with the mouse. Kids made fun of him though, so we just call him Filly." Again, he brushes his hair from his face. It flops back into place and he gives up. "Kind of confusing, though, since then it's Kili and Filly, but whatever." And he's feeling silly and stupid, so he stands and gives a mock bow. "Kili Durin, at your service."

This time it's an actual laugh and as he sits back down, he decides he likes the sound. It's high pitched but clear and cuts through the darkness of the room. "Shay Pasternak, at _your _service," she answers, standing too and curtsies before sitting back down. Because of the lighting, he can only see half her smile. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Kili."

He raises his mug. "Cheers." The coffee has changed from lukewarm to cold. "Where are you from?" he adds. "You have a different accent than everyone else."

With a roll of her eyes, Shay says, "New Jersey. Ask me to repeat any words and I might have to kill you."

"You've been getting it too?"

"People pointing out the way I talk every ten seconds? Yup."

For the past three days, people have been asking him to repeat certain words to the point that it was starting to get on his nerves. And it takes a lot to annoy him. Kili has a very set way to face everything - cheerful, laid-back, and a little reckless. But this is his fourth night in a row without sleeping more than an hour and it's making him unnervingly irritable.

"Should I expect to see you in here more often?"

He shrugs. "Maybe," he says and finishes the coffee, cringing at the unwanted temperature. "Are you in often?"

"I'm a night owl," she answers, lips flicking up into half a smile, "and the nightmares are chronic."

"Do you scream?"

"No. Do you?"

"No."

They fall silent and he's half asleep again now that the coffee's gone. The microwave clock lets him know that forty minutes has passed since he first got himself out of bed. Odds are that Owen's still sleeping soundly, unaware this his roommate is trying to find a way out of his own head. Back home, before Filly went off to university in England, his brother would be there when he woke up and listened to him babble for those few moments before he actually gained awareness, trying to get him to calm down. Until this summer, having one two nights in a row was considered strange. And during the summer it'd only happened three times.

Four in a row isn't a record he'd like to continue.

After a bit, he asks, "Do you think you'll be able to go back to sleep?"

Underneath her eyes are bruised-like exhaustion that he thought were shadows at first. "No," she says. "Why?"

"Well, we have about three hours until the D.C. opens for breakfast, and four before the new orientation thing starts," he answers. "We can do something until then and then go eat. If you don't have plans."

"I don't. Give me twenty minutes to get ready beforehand, though."

"Sure."

In the end, they turn on the lights and play Gin with a deck of cards found in the drawer and when they rejoin later for breakfast, he doesn't feel tired anymore.

.

Earlier this year, Filly described college friendships as fast-forming and intense. Even so, Kili isn't prepared for how quickly it happens.

It's two in the afternoon the Saturday before classes start, three days since they first spoke in the quiet study, and the last orientation group meetings have just let out. He's reaching for his phone, ready to call her and see if she wants to join him and Owen for lunch, when he suddenly hears, "Kili!"

He turns in just enough time to nearly be knocked over by Shay practically launching herself at him. Their rather large height difference means that she can't quite get him around the neck without needing to be caught, but he has to admire her effort anyway.

"So you did it?" he asks, setting her back down as she scrambles to unfold the thin yellow paper in his hand. "How many did you get transferred?"

The sunlight makes her hair look red and his ADD is kicking in, the color distracting. "All of them," she answers and hands over the paper. It's type that goes underneath the other piece as sort of receit. _Declaration of Major and Minor_ it reads. Shay's a history major too. "Jesus, you're two credits away from being a sophomore."

"And since I'm taking that fifth class this semester, I'll be able to start next year as a junior," she adds, tucking the paper back and refolding it. As she slips it into her pocket, she adds, "This means I don't have to take math!"

For some reason, he didn't need to fight for the credits he already came in with, so he's only about a semester behind. Either way, graduating early saves money and he's perfectly all right with the idea of not having to pay loans for the rest of his life. As an international student, he got almost a full ride anyway. "Lucky," he says and she grabs his sleeve, pulling him in the direction of the D.C. and he's okay with this. Like most guys, Kili likes food. Unfortunately, the school doesn't really seem to like him. On top of not sleeping, he's spent the past week throwing up being he can't stomach whatever's put in the food. "But really, that's great."

She glances up, smile a tad too wide on her small face. "Only thing to make it better would be curly fries."

"Or something that actually tastes like real food at the vegan place," he adds because that's the only thing he can eat by this point. Along with the made-right-there omelettes at breakfast and the flatbread pizza if he's lucky. For about the thousandth time in his life, he thinks that he isn't meant to be this, well, _delicate_ but it runs in the family.

Along with, thankfully, an incredibly high tolerance for alcoholic beverages.

As she lets go of his shirt and falls into step with him, she says, "You'll adjust to it eventually. Mom said that happened to her when she first went off to college. But that was just her being weird. You've got an actual thing, right?"

He nods. "No idea what it is, though," he says, "but I've had it since was a kid. Filly has something similar. No one knows why."

They reach the D.C., joining the long line of hungry students, and Kili pulls his ID from his pocket. Eventually he'll have to think of a better place to put it, but he's procrastinating. University student at its finest right there.

"That sucks," she says, stepping behind him in line. "So, are you going to that stupid end-of-orientation party thing tonight or skipping?"

He swipes his card to get in and she does a moment after. "Skipping if I can hide from my RA," he answers and they slip past a huddled group of girls standing right in the entrance. Normally he isn't the type to pick up on these sort of things, but he's noticed that some girls try a lot harder than others. Like those five who're all wearing short skirts and lace shirts of varying colors, which is completely different from Shay who's wardrobe seems to consist of shorts and t-shirts. "Do you mind eating with -"

Before he can finish, his phone goes off, signaling a text. "Eat with who?" Shay says after a moment where he doesn't finish his question.

As he texts back he answers, "I was going to say Owen, but apparently his brother called about fire - whatever that means - so he'll have to skip out on us again."

For the past few days Owen had been trying to pull of the whole "roommate bonding" thing but something always stopped it, which meant their relationship didn't extend much past late night video games. He and his roommate didn't have a whole lot in common, so there wasn't much to talk about. Actually, Owen didn't talk much in general and he was as about as nervous around everything in the world as Kili was about spiders...and yet still tried to pretend being brave. Kili was making sure a horror movie was never put anywhere near that guy. Or drinking or drugs or any manner of anything that could cause some sort of reaction. To put it simply, the boy's neurotic.

And he thought nightmares were bad enough.

"Do you want to come with me to CVS after this?" he asks, accidently interrupting Shay before she even gets the words out, and they head off to the pizza area. He's decided to risk it today and it's a good thing he become friends with a vegetarian or this would be so much worse. "I need more coffee. Mind walking?"

Shay shrugs and takes a piece of pizza before heading off in the direction of the soda and tortilla chips. Since he's decided to actually attempt_ real_ pizza today (though according to Jersey girl here it actually sucks but in Ireland it's even worse) he's just sticking to one slice and a cup of ginger ale. Hopefully the small amount will save his stomach.

She tells him, "I need to get more creamer anyway. I came here with half a bottle and sharing with you made me run out pretty fast."

"I can buy it," he says. "You know, pay you back. Or we can share."

They grab the nearest free seats, which happen to be the counter top near the grill. "Sure," she answers. "We can swap between whoever gets the coffee too. Which means we just need creamer today since I still have coffee left."

He nods absentmindedly and takes a bite. It really isn't all that terrible, though from the face his friend makes he can see the feeling isn't mutual. It's almost funny, really; she's complained several times about the food in Massachusetts so far out of Boston is nothing in comparison to her area. Something about more diversity and real Italians. Both with his brother and his uncle, he'd had home cooked means which weren't really all that good. His older cousin Gilbert is the only on in the family currently in America who has any talent in the kitchen and even then, it's mostly Irish food.

When they finish, they put away their dishes and grab frozen yogurt as they leave. Shay walks the raise tar on the side of the road like a balance beam on their trip to CVS. The air is hot and muggy and uncomfortable compared to Ireland, but for the first time all week, he isn't bothered at all.

.

Review if you read it please! I quite like those. And I swear it'll get more interesting. I really have to stop writing with a headache.

Also, I'm mildly dyslexic so sorry for the mistakes.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow. People actually read this. I am genuinely surprised. Well, here's the second installment! I don't know how long this story will be, but I enjoy writing it. :)

This is told in Shay's POV. I want to alternate, though I enjoy writing in Kili's so I'm not sure whether or not that will happen.

Disclaimer: only own Shay and other random OCs that pop up for convenience's sake.

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It's Wednesday and Shay wakes up from the worst nightmare she's had in a while.

For a moment, she's caught in a half-aware state, seeing her room but feeling the frills of a dress different than her nightgown, the press of lips to her collarbone, the push of a hand against a corset that she knows the feeling of after three years of working at the Renaissance Faire. Then she blinks and it's gone but the fear lingers, leaving her shivering from something other than her roommate's cold fan. There are tears collecting in the corner of her eyes. She reaches up and like a child wipes them away with the back of her hand.

This darkness is oppressive, the rattle of the fan reminding her of a quivering skeleton. Suddenly the comforter feels too heavy and she pushes it off, holding herself and hyperventilating silently. She _needs_ to get out of here. It comes as a desperate emotion she hasn't felt since her fourth night here when she dreamt of red and screaming. Again. These nightmares are repetitive and chronic, almost like memories. Like PTSD from something that never happened. They've only discussed it once, but she knows that Kili feels the same way.

_Kili_. She needs somewhere to go, somewhere that isn't _here_ and his face instantly comes to mind. Quietly, so as not to wake her peacefully sleeping roommate, she slips from her bed, banging her hip on the corner of the dresser on her way down. She's cold, but outside in the hallway will be warm and opening a drawer will be loud anyway. She ignores the pain of her forming bruise and leaves, the sound of both dorm doors shutting too loudly for her comfort. There's a headache forming somewhere behind her eyes and the stuffy air of the hallway just makes it worse.

All her stress melts into relief when she sees him in the quiet study, back turned as he pours himself a cup of coffee. They always, for some reason or another, have nightmares on the same nights and it might only have been two weeks, but she's come to expect this. He turns at the sound of the door opens, exhaustion coloring his face and she practically teleports from the entrance of the room to right in front of him. Almost instinctively, she wraps her arms around him and buries her face into his chest. Then comes the click of the ceramic mug placed down against the fake marble counter and his arms slip around her shoulders. She's the perfect height, head tucked directly underneath his chin.

After a moment, he says, "That bad?"

Now that she's calmed down a little, she can hear the slight shake of his voice which means his wasn't so great tonight either. "I woke up feeling like I'd been molested or something," she mumbles into the fabric of his pajama shirt. It smells of Febreze, same as his room. Owen's obsessed with cleanliness. "But that's never happened to me before."

His grip tightens a little. Somehow, this makes some of the fear bleed away. She's never had someone be able to do this before, not even her mom before Dad left. "You're fine," he tells her. His accent reminds her of her next door neighbor. "No one's going to hurt you."

"I know. It was just - bad. When I woke up, I thought it was still happening." But she feels better now because she's holding onto someone that's warm, solid, _there_, and _safe._ Though she still doesn't let go, she asks, "You don't look so peachy yourself, Kili."

"I woke up my roommate," he answers. "Owen must think I'm crazy. Same as you, woke up and still thought these creatures were still chasing me and I screamed Dwalin, whatever that is. And I'm borderline positive that those things were goblins."

Unlike her, apparently he does scream. Rarely, but it still happens. Shay hasn't done it since she was a kid and shouted_ Må ikke forlade mig!_, which is Danish, a language she doesn't understand. His also seem to have more of a fantasy spin than hers. "We're so fucked," she says, blunt and unapologetic as she removes herself to get coffee of her own. He picks up his mug and takes a sip, sliding over hers. Since no one looks anyway, they keep all their stuff in the drawers that don't hold the games.

As she pours herself coffee, Kili says, "I just don't get it. I mean, dreams aren't supposed to be that realistic. I've had normal ones before."

"Yeah, me too." No creamer today because she needs something sharp and maybe even a little painful. The coffee burns on its way down. They stand close next to each other, backs pressed against the counter. "These feel like - I don't know, like I'm living it."

"I've never met anyone who knew what it was like until you."

Out of context, this could have been a pick up line. The thought makes her smile a little. "Didn't your uncle and brother try to help you out?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean they _get _it."

That's something she understands fully. "Are you going to party tomorrow night? Or, well, I guess today." It's five thirty in the morning and Shay hates her life.

Kili shrugs. "Don't know," he answers. "I didn't the whole first week. I mean, getting bolloxed is nice every once and a while, but you don't need to be a bloody eejit when you do it."

For a moment, she just stares in shock. Then she bursts out laughing, the noise of it too loud in the darkness since neither ever bothers to turn on the light. "Sorry," she says after she starts to calm down, still giggling, "but you just sounded _so _Irish right there. Like, more so than the day you called me a bird."

She can't see exactly, but she's pretty sure he's blushing. "Well, you went full Jersey yesterday," he says. By this point he's picked up on the little things people say in relation to her. "Your accent is thicker than I thought. Such as t_aw_k."

With a roll of her eyes, she says, "And you don't pronounce your 'h's. Guess we're even, right?"

He gives a short laugh and looks down at his mug. "It's almost six in the morning," he says. "I'm sorry I'm not up to your standards, Miss Pasternak."

"Better than if you started saying wicked," she points out and he snickers. Until she came up to New England, she's never heard that word used as an adjective outside of movies. Frankly, she thought it was a joke. "God, I just sounded like such a bitch."

"According to everyone around here, that's what your state's famous for, right?" She shrugs, knowing that it's true but at the same time never having heard it said seriously. "If it makes you feel any better, you're sweeter than most of the girls I've met."

It's truly unfair how easily Kili can make her smile. "I'm not nicer," she says. "I'm just more straightforward. I don't believe in all that passive aggressive shit. My suite mates do it. The way I look at it is if you have something to say to me, say it to my face. Don't write a blurb on your facebook wall hoping that I see it."

He raises his mug in almost a mock-toast. "Amen to that," he says and downs the rest of his drink, cringing. It must be cold. Hers is still lukewarm, which she doesn't mind. "Jesus. Let's go for a walk."

"Inside or outside?"

"Outside. It's not like it's cold."

"We're barefoot and I doubt you want to go back into your room right now."

"So?"

Fair enough. She places her mug next to his, ready to clean it up when they get back since no one will be in here until about eight anyway, and follows him outside the room. When they reach the stairs, she laces her elbow in his like she does with her friends at home, still needing the comfort of closeness, and is relieved when he doesn't to move away.

.

Shay has never been so tired in her life. Ever since she was a kid, she's been a natural insomniac on top of the nightmares, but this is different. This is _constant_, something that's never happened before. It's Thursday; she first came here last Monday. Since then she's had only three nights with more than two hours of sleep and those have been the only three nights with no nightmares. She hasn't hit the point of delirium or slipped concentration yet, but she knows it'll happen eventually.

She's sitting in her dorm room, talking to her roommate about the thrills of the single life when she starts to nod off. It's three-thirty in the afternoon and she just can't take it anymore, failing in her attempt to avoid slipping away. She suddenly snaps out of it though when she hears, "What about Kili?"

At the sound of her friend's name, Shay's exhaustion disappears. It's practically an adrenaline rush though there's no reason to start it. "What?" she says, rubbing her eye.

"I was saying how I want a boyfriend," Emily says. Shay has to stop a groan of frustration from leaking out. Her roommate's awesome and all and she understands that she needs to deal with the flaws in any friendship, but she's always had a special distaste for the whole boy crazy thing. Maybe having an older brother just ruined the image of the "ideal boyfriend" in her mind forever. Her friend adds, "I mean, I'm sure you've noticed and everything, but Kili is _beautiful_."

Her eyebrow twitches. Logically, she thinks, she shouldn't be having this sort of reaction. "I've noticed," she says, tucking her hair behind her ear.

The smile wipes off Emily's almost faster than should be possible. "Unless you like him," the older girl says quickly and Shay can't help it; she rolls her eyes. "No, I'm serious! I'll -"

"Emmy," she interrupts and her roommate shuts up. She feels bad, but needs to block out this thought - this _possibility_ - as soon as she can. She continues, "Kili's just my friend, but that doesn't mean I still can't admit that the boy's nice to look at. He's pretty much the definition of eye candy, I get that."

The way she grew up was very open ended in terms of emotion, but even so, she can't understand people who display everything they feel on their faces. Emily's relief is blatant. "Oh, okay," the girl answers. "But for the record, the two of you would make a wicked good couple."

This is her breaking point. "We aren't having this discussion anymore," she says, hopping off the bed to gather her things for her four o' clock Intro to Human Physiology and ignoring the hurt look her friend flashes her. "I have to go to class."

"Are you _mad _at me? Shay, I -"

She turns around to face the other girl as she slips her laptop into her backpack. "Look," she tells Emily, trying to keep both her voice and her hands steady, "I don't care if Kili and I would make a good couple aesthetically or even sensibly, but I am _not _getting myself into a relationship this semester. I promised myself that. So if you want Kili, he's free game, got it?"

"Okay, okay." There's a pause. Then, as she slips on her flip-flops, her friend asks, "So, are the two of us cool?"

"We're fine," she answers. Emily stands up, walking the three steps it takes to get over to her and gives her a hug that she returns. When they pull apart, she says, "I'm sorry. It seriously isn't you. It's just that, um, I know some girls can get with a rebound guy in a week but I can't and the boy I started dating when I was a sophomore in high school broke up with right before graduation. And I get that it's been a little over two months, but I just got over him."

Emily worries her bottom lip. "Adam, right?" she says and Shay's very proud of herself when she doesn't feel the burn of oncoming tears. She really is honest-to-god over the guy, but it still acts as a reminder that the first semester of college is there to get her shit together and do well academically, not find a new boyfriend. "Well, you're better off without him if he didn't appreciate you."

"Now you sound like a shared facebook photo."

"Just shut up and go to class, woman."

She laughs and pulls her friend in for one last hug before she has to go brace herself for the torture that is her next three hours.

.

The two of them lay on the grass outside their dorm, hidden by the saggy branches of a tree. Her extra sheet is spread out beneath them to ward off the bugs and the point behind this is to get their homework done. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be happening.

"Well, it's your fault for taking a three hundred level your first year of uni," Kili tells her after a very long rant about her Revolutions of the Nineteenth Century essay. "You're digging your own grave, Shay."

She groans and covers her face with her textbook, wishing she could soak up all the knowledge from the proximity to the words. "I know," she says, voice muffled by the book. When it gets hard to breathe, she moves it away and flops her head to the side so she's looking at him. Kili's lying on his stomach, looking at something on his laptop that she can't see because of the glare of the sun. "But except for the science class I'm taking this semester and the art class I eventually have to take, I'm done with my cores. Trust me, you're going to have the same problem next semester."

"Don't make me think about next semester," he says, shaking his head so his curls sway. When she was kid she had curls like he has but as she got older they flattened out until her hair got all boring and straight. The lack of humidity here only makes it worse. "It's bad enough that I have to take stats right now."

"I told you I'd help you."

"I know, but -" He pauses, makes a face, then continues, "I was raised learning that you figure out your own shite. Filly would help me out but that was normally because we got in trouble together. It's actually a little funny. I could convince him to do anything when I was a babe."

"From the sound of it, you still can," she says and he laughs. "Anyway, the offer still stands. I'm used to it. I was the one everyone flocked to the moment they had to have a paper proofread or something. Not math though. I'm actually terrible at math, but I'm pretty okay with stats."

A cloud passes over the sun, throwing them even further into shadow. From not far off in the distance, she hears a girl screaming at someone for getting ice cream on her shirt. The problems with living in the dorm right next to the Dining Commons. "When I start to need help, I'll tell you," he promises and shuts his laptop, adding, "Also, I can't stand being out here anymore. Sorry, but spiders."

She worries her bottom lip. "You've seen one?" she asks as she stands, collecting her stuff so they can gather up the blanket.

"No," he answers, "but I just know that it's there somewhere and -" He visibly shivers, which is both adorable and heartbreaking. "I've been this way since I was about thirteen. The spider population in Ireland is on the rise and they seem to _find _me. It's weird. And unwanted."

As someone who's allergic, she can sympathize. "When I was a kid, I was playing hide-and-go seek," she says, helping him shake out the sheet before folding it up and slipping her backpack over her shoulder, "and I hid under the grill on the deck. It was March so it was still covered." They start heading back the fifteen second walk it takes to get back inside and she's relieved when a girl from the floor below them decides to hold the door for them. "I didn't realize a tick infestation was under there. Keep in mind ticks are also arachnids - thanks, Erin - and I got out of there, but not without getting five ticks in the process. I was in the hospital for a week. This summer the tick population increased because of the mild winter and I literally wasn't allowed outside without jeans tucked into sneakers. Trust me, I know how you feel."

"That sounds awful," Kili says, staring at her and narrowly avoiding walking into the door. Without talking about it, they both head over to the empty Common Room to finish their work now that outside is out of the question. "I found out I was allergic to bees when we were visiting Uncle Thorin in New York about eight years back. After I pretty much begged, he brought the Mam, Filly, and me to this apple orchard called Pennings -"

Despite how hard she tries _not _to ever do this, Shay squeaks. Her friend stops talking, plopping down on the couch, obviously confused. "Sorry about that," she says with an embarrassed smile. "But, yeah, I live about fifteen minutes on the Jersey side from Pennings. It's in Warwick, New York. I'm literally the town next to it."

Kili grins, eyebrows shooting up in that surprised way of his and she flops down next to him, curling up in the small corner between the armrest and the back of the couch. "Come off it!" he says. "You can't be serious." She shakes her head. "You said you're about forty-five from the City, right?"

As she unzips her backpack to remove her laptop, she answers, "Yeah. Are you going back to New York or Ireland for breaks?"

"New York for the shorter breaks and part of winter," he says, "but I'm going home to Ireland for most of the summer. Might even be staying in New Jersey with Filly and that's close to you too you said."

Now she's smiling too because his is just infectious. "You should come for Thanksgiving," she says. "Mom is always complaining about how it's just the three of us and Lev might not even come this year."

"Really?"

"Positive. You can stay over, too. We've got a spare bed if you don't mind the cat popping in at one point or another."

When he answers, "I'll tell Uncle Thorin I won't be round for supper that night, then," she feels weirdly successful. Ever since her dad left, holidays made her mom sad and she'd been trying to get guests to come for the past few years. After telling him to continue his story, he says, "Oh. So, anyway, I got the bright idea to climb the tallest tree in the orchard since apple trees aren't particularly tall in the first place and I put my hand directly on top of a wasp. The surprise of the sting made me loose my grip, scream, proceed to hit every branch possible on the way down, and begin to go into anaphylactic shock by the time Filly caught me. Mam shouted at me in the hospital. Still have the scars, though somehow I managed to avoid breaking anything."

He holds out his palm and she can see a string of scars up his forearm too. "I think you beat me in terms of horrible experiences, love," she says, shaking her head. "But, away from that, we better finish our homework in case we actually do manage to sleep."

They fall into silence then, concentrating on their separate work and in the sunlight spilling from the open curtains, she really feels like everything will go all right. But of course she's wrong and they spend the night cuddled up in the quiet study, afraid and so desperately alone despite having each other.

.

Weird last line, I know, but I have a high fever. Review, please!

Also, Shay's dreams are actually really history-based. For the record.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reception, guys. I really appreciate it. :)

Also, **elrohir lover: **you're right. That was a typo. It was Danish. I don't actually know where I got Dutch from, but I went back and replaced it.

Oh, and one last thing. Kili's going to have more than one past life. I feel like that's a spoiler but I'd confuse everyone later on in this chapter if I didn't mention it.

Disclaimer: don't own anything you don't recognize.

.

For some reason, Kili always imagined that he would party in uni. It's just part of his personality; he likes to have fun and that apparently _is _the way you have fun. Then he actually got here, tried that drink they call Zhenka that's basically straight nail polish removed, realized that everyone got drunk _before _going out, and decided that maybe that wasn't going to be all that fun after all. And naturally he makes friends with the one girl who doesn't like to get hammered, so in the end it all works out.

And this is how he and Shay end up on her floor Friday night while Emily is home for the weekend, sharing Domino's pizza they splurged on and watching reruns of some show called _Friends_ that he'd never actually heard of before. They're talking about classes when Shay randomly asks, "Did I tell you I skipped a grade?"

Kili looks away from the tele and over to her, surprised. If anything she looks slightly older than eighteen, not slightly younger. Nineteen or twenty maybe. "No," he says, wondering how it hadn't come up in conversation yet. It's already September third and he realizes that he doesn't know what her birthday because on Facebook never gave the year she was born, just the month and day. "Why? How old are you?"

"I had the best grades in the class, and from kindergarten to third grade I was bullied _a lot_," she answers, taking a second piece of pizza. Outside her door comes the sounds of her suitemates trying to get back into their room. "Anyway, my mom thought maybe moving me up a grade would help since there wouldn't be a knowledge gab that wide anymore, so I was given this test that bumped me up the fourth grade like a month into the school year. It worked too. You think it'd be the reverse, but I haven't had a problem since. I'm seventeen."

Bilbo, a friend of his who's a year older than he is back in Ireland, did the same thing. "Your birthday is May thirty-first, right?" he says and she nods. "I hadn't expected that."

"No one ever does. When's your birthday?"

Oh, yeah, he never put that on Facebook. "August fifteenth," he answers, finishing his slice and moving onto his third. These pizzas are too small.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she says and picks up the remote, flipping through the channels. "We could've done some belated. That's only eight days before we got here."

He feels his cheeks flush from embarrassment. "Didn't think it was important," he says as she stops on the new Spider-Man movie. It really is nice being friends with a girl who likes boy-ish things. "It isn't like it was during the school year and I didn't tell you."

She makes a noise of agreement and lies down on her stomach, propped up by her elbows like he is. "Well, I guess you know what it feels like being the baby too."

"I'm a little brother. Of course I do."

"The joys of being the younger sibling, right?" He nods and gives half a laugh. Outside the sunset is rapidly darkening into night and he's hit the point of overtired that he feels hyped up on energy. From the way she's acting, Shay must be feeling the same way. She's glassy-eyed and he can't imagine he's much better. Suddenly she says, "God, I'm so happy Emily's gone. I love her, but yesterday was a nightmare. I mean, she was completely wasted."

"At least she didn't throw up on you."

"You've had that happen before?"

"I'm Irish, 'course I have." She rolls her eyes and the movie cuts to a commercial break. "You could've gotten me if she was too much to handle."

Shay shrugs. "I had it under control," she says. "If it happens again I might need you. I'm only five one, and she's like six inches taller than me." He does the quick conversion in his head. He'd never realized their height difference was that drastic before. "Plus I have zero upper body strength. She's kind of hard to maneuver."

Even though he's average height, Kili knows what that feels like too. "You know, you don't have to take care of her," he tells her, but he gets it. If Owen ever came back in that state (which won't happen because, well, it's _Owen - _the kid knows how to knit for Christ's sake), he'd immediately go about helping the kid.

"I know," she answers with a frown, finishing her slice and not going back for another. "I guess I'm just used to it. My dad was an alcoholic. I never personally took care of him, but my mom did and I saw it happen a bunch of times."

Finding this out genuinely surprises him. Despite the never sleeping thing, Shay always seems so collected. Or, more so than him anyway but that's not saying much. He's reckless and knows it. "Well, if it ever happens again and I'm not around, call me," he says. "You don't need to do that alone."

The smile she sends him is small and closed-lipped and quickly disappears when she looks back at the movie, red-brown hair shielding the side of her face. "I don't even want to try to sleep tonight," she says and he gets that the conversation is finished. "Want to join?"

"Sure," he answers. "What should we do?"

"Illegal movie marathon?"

As it sounds good enough to him, he says, "Something action or adventure so that we don't fall asleep."

Eventually they decide on _Inception_ but in the end they fall asleep anyway, curled up against each other. Their rest is flawless.

.

Kili is not exactly a novice when it comes to sleeping with people, but waking up to find himself lying on the uncomfortable dorm room floor with Shay's head on his chest is something else entirely. It's innocent and sweet, not at all sexual or suggesting any feelings other than platonic. Her hair smells like strawberries, her sleeping shorts riding down a little on her left hip. A part of him tells him he should feel guilty about this, but he doesn't know why. The girl's just his friend, nothing more and he has no desire for it to _be _anything more.

Though he tries his hardest to move without jostling her, the adjustment wakes her. She blinks sleepily a couple of times before her senses come to her and she sits up. He doesn't know what to expect, but "Oh my god!" was pretty high up there. Her cheeks go redder than her hair. She says, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

"It's fine," he says, rubbing one eye. He always showers in the morning and right after he gets up on the nights he actually sleeps. And right now he feels _so _much better than he has pretty much since school started. "I just woke up too."

She goes to brush her hair out of her face and cringes. "Can we meet up in like twenty minutes?" she says. "I need to wash up."

"Back here?" he asks and she nods as she picks out a pair of clothes from her top drawer. "See you in a bit."

"If I'm not out of the bathroom yet, you know the code."

In the end, he does end up back before her and lets himself in. The window is thrown open but it isn't doing much of anything so he turns the fan back on. Maybe it's just because of where he's from or whatever, but he hates the heat. Then again, it could be worse. New Jersey and the City are a thousand times worse even though they aren't really all that far away from here. When she comes in, still toweling dry her hair, he sees her in a dress for the first time. It's white and short and lacy and it actually catches him by surprise how natural in it she looks. Unlike most girls he's dated, she rarely wears makeup, doesn't even have her ears pierced, and sticks to simple clothing. Actually wearing something feminine though makes her look, well, _good_.

She smiles when she sees him. "Hey," she says, dropping her towel on her desk chair. "How do you feel, sleepyhead?"

The nickname is weird and kind of ridiculous, but he doesn't mind. "Rested," he answers as she picks up a brush. He really _is _happy be his own gender. It takes zero effort. "You?"

"Same," she says, and looks healthier than she had the day before. From what he saw in the mirror, he did too. "I mean, I dreamed and it was the same type of realistic and everything, but it wasn't horrifying. And I remember everything."

"Kind of nice, right?"

"You too?" He nods. "What of?"

It takes a lot of effort to figure out a way to word this without sounding insane. "I was in Scotland," he answers, not really sure why he knows the location, "and it was snowing. I was with my mate Bilbo of all people and he was calling me _Alistair_, which is bloody weird enough already. And we were getting into an argument about whether facing a wolf or my angry mother was worse. Also we weren't speaking English. For some reason I'm never speaking English in any of my dreams."

The light reflects off Shay's eyes, making the normal dark green seem bright. "Do you ever feel like you're dreaming more than thing?" she asks. "I don't mean at the same time. I -"

"Yeah," he says before she has to scramble for a way to explain something he understands. "I get what you mean. What was yours?"

"Well, everyone was speaking Hebrew," she says, which means he isn't the only one dreaming in other languages. "I can speak Hebrew, too, but this wasn't right, if that makes any sense. And I was holding a basket - it was made of palm leaves, not sure why I know that - and I was picking figs from a tree. There was this little boy there too, holding on to my skirt and asking when his little brother was coming along. No idea what he meant. But, we were in the sky. I was in a garden in the sky. I just remember feeling...happy."

Happy. That's what he felt waking up too. Like he was about to laugh at the expense of his friend who in real life and in his other dreams doesn't stop blushing. Unlike Shay, his dreams reflect the people from his childhood. "You know," he says, "if anyone heard us talking like this they'd think we were gone in the head."

"Sometimes I feel like I am anyway," she tells him and yeah, he knows the feeling. Even though he's met someone with the same condition and doesn't feel so alone in this anymore, he still wonders if he's psychotic. Not that it matters since he's allergic to pretty much everything that could help him. "Anyway, maybe next time we watch a movie we should try for a bed. My back hurts."

Kili's doesn't but with his family's obsession with camping and all, he's slept on worse than a dorm room floor. Even if that was really, really uncomfortable. "Sounds like a plan," he says. "Do you want to go for coffee now?"

With a shrug, she answers, "Sure," and follows him out the door.

.

Owen's out from six to nine for a three hour class and Kili uses the time to finally Skype his brother. He's never gone this long without talking to Filly before and it made him anxious. He's exhausted again, not even bothering to sleep last night after two more nightmare-filled ones in a row, but all that evaporates at the sight of the older boy's mussed up hair, wide grin, and three years old Disney World employee shirt from an internship abroad when he was a sophomore.

"Kili!" says Filly before he can even get out a hello. "How's university life treating you? Is your roommate okay?"

If he could, he would dive through his computer screen just to get a hug. Most brothers - most _families_ - aren't as close as they are but after Da checked out (as they call it) when he was too young to remember, he was raised with the most haphazard childhood ever but Filly had always been the most constant. It doesn't help that he also looks almost exactly like his father, so Ma always had trouble looking at him.

He answers, "Yeah, his name's Owen and he's kind of a spazz and a neat freak but he isn't neurotic. He's good at video games too, which I like."

"Lucky bastard," says his brother and Kili remembers the hysterical calls he got Filly's freshman year before he was able to switch his room. "Are you keeping out of trouble?"

"I don't do anything to _get _myself in trouble," he says and Filly gives him a skeptical look. "I'm being serious!"

"Drinking isn't legal until you're twenty-one in America," he tells him, which Kili is perfectly aware of, thank you very much.

With as innocent of a look as he can manage, he says, "I don't drink. I don't party. I'm a perfect little angel here."

"_What?_"

Kili laughs, enjoying his brother's flabbergasted expression. "No mischief at all," he continues. "People here become complete headers the moment they even touch alcohol. Most of my friends go out, but Owen and Shay don't."

They should've done this earlier, he thinks. Probably would have if Filly hadn't been in Japan for business with a roaming charge that would've been ridiculous for texting or calling. "Shay?" his brother repeats. "You managed to find _two _university blokes who don't go out?"

Oh, yeah. Shay's a guy's name where they're from. "Er," he answers, "that's actually short for Shayna. As in a girl. She's just a friend. And from New Jersey. Apparently she's only about forty-five minutes from you."

Apparently finding out that Kili has managed to sustain a plain friendship with a female is surprising. That's his own fault, though - in secondary school, he went through girls pretty quickly, but he never actually liked any of them all that much and really, if it was so bad then they should've stopped approaching him rather than the other way around.

"Okay, now I have to see what this girl looks like," Filly says and Kili expected this, so he's already on her facebook page, copying the URL of Shay's profile picture. They were in the coffee shop in town and she's looking over the edge of her mug, one brow quirked. He's the one who took it and it actually isn't all that bad.

"Here," he says, pasting the link. "Oh, and get this: I was telling her how we found out we're allergic to bees and she knew the orchard we were talking about. She's the town next to it."

Rather than answer directly to that, his brother says, "She's pretty. How'd you meet her?"

"I went to go use the quiet study coffee maker," he answers, then pauses. After a moment, he adds, "At three in the morning."

Filly's face instantly transforms from amusement to worry. "Kili..." The trailing off of his name makes him cringe. He hates worrying people. "I was - is it getting worse from this summer?" And since he can't lie to his brother even a five hour's drive away, he nods. "Yeah, I was scared of that. Uncle Thorin told me you called him the first week but haven't since then. You haven't been trying to deal with this alone, have you?"

Last time he tried to "deal with this alone" there were some pretty serious consequences. The human body, as it turns out, isn't made to stay sleepless for five days straight. "No," he says. "That's the thing. Shay gets them too so we've just sort of been helping out each other."

There's a blank sort of moment before Filly seems to realize he's being serious. "Wait," he says, "same nightmares? That's not - Kili, that just isn't possible."

"Not the same exactly," he says quickly, trying to figure out a way to word it because, really, Kili isn't exactly great at expressing himself, "but the same type. It's really hard to explain. What did Uncle Thorin tell you? That was the night before I met her but I've mentioned Shay to him before when he's called for our five minute conversations."

Uncle Thorin somehow managed to take up the role of normal university student parent because he's the one who calls at least twice a week rather than Ma. That should probably depress him but it doesn't. It takes a lot to phase Kili, really. Filly says, "Just that you called him at five morning crying but he didn't know why because you didn't remember by that point. Now what do you mean about having similar nightmares?"

Kili explains it to his brother to the best of his ability while not sounding crazy, which means he cuts out Friday night entirely. It's uncomfortable and he's never had to do it before because to him it's just second nature - this is just what happens to him and then there's someone else who understands too. Filly gets it well enough (which probably has something to do with dealing with this since he was about seven) and reassures him when he finishes that he's not, in fact, nuts because these are nightmares, that's all. Which is a good thing to say because by the end of it he's literally shaking.

In a not-so-subtle attempt to get his mind off of it, Filly tells him, "Parent's weekend is coming up soon. Uncle Thorin or I could come if you want since I don't think Ma can afford the plane ticket."

"Can you?" he asks hopefully, having completely forgotten about that whole parent's weekend thing and his lack of parents to actually to it. "I didn't get to see you before I left."

His brother smiles impishly, which is basically the same as Kili's because of lot of their facial expressions are the same. Despite the hair and eye color difference, it's blatantly obvious to everyone they meet that the two of them are brothers. Gran, who's senile and in an old people's home in Dublin, has a tendency to mix up their names and exploiting that is apparently mean. "I would've come even if you told me not to," says Filly brightly. "I never _did _get a chance to see your campus, Kili. And I want to meet your roommate. You've been holding out on me."

"I didn't mean to!"

Filly laughs. "I'm kidding," he says. "Anyway, I better go because _I _happen to have a date."

"And you didn't tell me this immediately?" Kili asks, surprised and mock-offended.

In answer, he gets a shrug. "Guess I was too excited to hear from you, kid," he says. "But this girl's really hot and in law school."

"Oh, good luck with that, Filly."

They change the mandatory goodbyes and another minute or two of brotherly banter before he hits the end call button. Time had flown by quickly and even though it hadn't felt all that long, they'd been talking for two and a half hours.

The room seems more quiet than usual without the sound of Filly's voice.

.

Review, please! They work as excellent motivation.

Also, I have to AU a certain aspect of the Hobbit to get this to work...hope you guys don't mind.


	4. Chapter 4

Seriously, I love you guys. Your reviews make me happy. :3

Also, I made up Shay's town's name, but Fili's is a real place.

Disclaimer: don't own anything you recognize.

.

"Mom, you promised!"

"_I'm sorry, sweetie, it's just too far away_."

Having Kili hear this conversation is embarrassing, but considering that it's a Friday night, the last thing she wants is to leave her dorm and when her mom called, she hadn't exactly expected this. "Your car's new," she says, "so it's not like you have to risk breaking it down."

Her mom sighs. "_I don't have the money to stay in a hotel, Shayna. Not without splitting the cost with someone. And you're the one who insisted I come alone. I'm sorry, but it just isn't doable._"

Of course she had; if Tim, Mom's boyfriend, came up that would mean his daughter Janie would come up too and the younger girl made it no secret that she hated Shay. Plus Tim was just kind of a dick, too, but her mom never did have the best choice in guys and never had if Shay's dad is any proof. "That's fine," she says, knowing that she sounds bitchy and not caring. Well, except for the fact that she isn't alone in the room. Thank God Emily goes home every weekend. Kili is bad enough as it is. "It's not like we'd do anything planned anyway."

"_I miss you. I really do._"

"Yeah, I know. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"_I love you_."

"Bye."

She hangs up, for a moment just clutching her cell phone, trying to calm herself down. She knows she should feel horrible, but she hasn't told her mom _I love you_ in years and she just broke a promise anyway. When she dropped her off, she'd promised to come visit. Even though they don't always get along, she's still her mom and Shay wants to see a familiar face. Is that too much to ask for?

With a sigh, she turns around to face an uncharacteristically quiet Kili and says, "Sorry about that," putting on the best smile she can manage. It's fake though, and they both know it; Shay isn't particularly skilled at playing pretend. "That was just my mom calling to tell me she wasn't coming."

When Kili reaches over, taking her hand and pulling her closer, he doesn't just seem sympathetic. There's an empathy there, a sort of understanding. "My brother's coming," he tells her. "Maybe even my uncle. They won't mind if you hang out with us. We'll probably just see a movie or something anyway."

Though it's a nice gesture, it isn't the same. "She just always does this," she says. "You know, promises me something then doesn't do it. I know I sound spoiled and all but it's not like I'm asking for a new video game or something."

Embarrassed, she looks outside the window rather than at him, sure that she's blushing. It's pouring and is supposed to into Monday. She's not looking forward to going to her eight AM like this. "What was her reasoning?"

"Too far away," she answers. "Too expensive. Have to say, love the first excuse. Your brother's doing it and not complaining. Plus my mom's only had her car for a year so it's not like she can blame getting too many miles on it or something. I don't even know why I bother getting my hopes up anymore."

"Because she's your parent?" Shay shrugs, knowing that's why but too upset to admit it. "C'mon, let's get your mind off it."

Oh, thank god. If it were Emily in the room, this would probably turn into a pity party. Hurrah for guys and their inability to talk about feelings. "How so?" she asks, letting him place her in front of her dresser, confused.

He says, "You're going to find clothes you don't care about and take off your shoes. We're going for a walk in the rain."

She twists around to look at him, incredulous. "You're kidding."

"I'm not. It'll be fun. I'll wait in the common area while you change."

This is going to get her dirty and most likely muddy and possibly bleeding if she falls (though she isn't much of a klutz, having danced and played soccer for as long as she did) but she finds herself agreeing. Kili has an almost unhealthy ability to convince her to do anything just by _smiling_, something not even her last boyfriend could pull off. And he shoots her one of those smiles before disappearing, leaving her to change.

He's leaning against the wall next to the suite door when she comes out, dressed in black shorts and a black shirt because she's _not _risking her clothes becoming see through. "Good enough for you?" she says.

"It's grand," he answers, and grabs her hand, dragging her out the suite and not letting go until they make it outside.

The rain is warmer than she expected and coming down considerably harder; not even ten seconds and she's already soaked. "Where are we going?" she asks, following him obediently away from the dorm building courtyard.

"The Art Center lot!" he says, having to raise his voice a little to be heard over the downpour. "No one's over there weekend nights!"

"Why?"

"You'll see!"

With Kili, answers like that were never good but she decides to throw her trust into it anyway. The walk takes about five minutes and when they reach there, it's nothing but an empty, flat parking lot illuminated by the light that shines off the back of the building. It makes the rain sparkle and reveals the whole area. "What's going on?" she says, annoyed at the lack of explanation and apprehensive by her friend's lopsided grin.

He tells her, "You said you're a fast runner!"

Since she's not an idiot, everything makes sense immediately. "I'm going to slip!" she answers.

"This is asphalt," he says. "You won't. Trust me, my mates and I do it all the time back at home."

This is what she gets for being friends with adorable Irish boys with heart-melting abilities. A girl's answer to "let's take your mind off this" involves a _Harry Potter _movie marathon or the watching of _Mean Girls _and discussing how one of your suite mates is a slut and the other a desperate virgin and all the reasons why that's a terrible combination.

Actually, with the mood she's in right now, this might be the better alternative.

"Fine," she says, throwing her hands up in defeat. "You win. Across the parking lot?" Kili nods enthusiastically. Good thing she's fit, then, or this would be hell. "You - hey, no fair!"

Then she's chasing after him, splashing through puddles and involuntarily laughing. When she reaches the end, almost tripping as she tries to stop in the middle of a puddle, Kili catches her. Her laughter has morphed into giggles she doesn't care enough about to feel embarrassed for. Despite being in shape, she's completely out of breath. They don't quite hug and certainly don't kiss, but to anyone who didn't know them they must look like an average young couple having fun in the rain.

She's forgotten about the disappointment.

.

The night before parent's weekend she and Kili sleep together again, which should be incredibly awkward considering that Owen's in the room but for some reason isn't. Even if the other boy does shoot her the occasional blushing look that simultaneously makes her want to laugh and feel guilty.

It's the next morning, though, that kills her.

The dream wasn't quite a nightmare, but she still wakes up feeling terrified. It's eight in the morning, sunlight streaming through the window, and her slight movement causes Kili to wake too. They've managed to make it through an entire night again but Shay isn't enjoying the aftermath. Kili mumbles something about a shower, which she agrees too, and meets up with him half an hour later in his room. Owen's gone, off meeting his parents, and they're alone. She has a throbbing headache that should wear off in about twenty minutes because of the medicinal help, but for now it's just sort of bothering her.

When she comes back and opens the door, she finds the room empty. For a moment, she just sort of stands there, confused, before she picks up the muffled sound of retching that she would have missed if her hearing weren't so sensitive. With a curse, she turns, shutting the door behind her, and enters the bathroom. The single-stall door isn't closed properly and knows that if his hair is wet, then the curls are smoothed out and probably long. Before she can do anything, the toilet is flushed, followed by the sound of the spraying of febreze. Even though she seriously hates doing this, her sense of smell is weak enough that it isn't unbearable.

Kili is half curled up against the wall, shaking horribly. His hair is messy, awkwardly pushed from his face and froze like that from the damp. Though she hasn't been through this with him yet, she knew she would eventually. In the first couple of weeks, he'd complained about it enough that it was inevitably.

"Did you eat something bad?" she asks, half sitting next to him, which is uncomfortable but she refuses to put her pale yellow pants anywhere near a boys' bathroom floor.

Her friend shakes his head, breathing ragged. "Stress," he mumbles and she tentatively grabs his upper arm, using a joint effort to pull him up. "Thanks."

Though he can walk on his own, Shay doesn't let go of him, leading him over to the sink so he can brush his teeth and they can get ginger ale or Coke in his system because she's not letting him so much as touch coffee after this. She waits until she finishes before she says, "Why does this happen anyway?"

"I was born with internal bleeding," he answers with a hoarse voice. "Stomach and lungs. Obviously got fixed, but the scar tissue's permanently fucked me up. My dad was born with something similar. Stress, food, cold - doesn't matter. It reacts. And I'm allergic to all antibiotics, but you know that."

Kili, she thinks, is proof that the best people have the worst luck. "That's awful," she says as they walk out, even though it's stating the obvious. "What caused it this time?"

He runs his figures through his hair and says, "The dream last night. Seeing Filly for the first time since July."

She threads her elbow through his. Ever since she was a kid, she's been a naturally affectionate person. Lev blames that on their parents. "Let's just get some ginger ale in your for now," she says. "You said that worked, right?"

He nods and narrowly avoids walking into some little kid that can't be much older than five. "Was yours good or bad last night?"

"It kind of sucked, yeah. What happened with yours?"

"Only thing I remember is someone saying 'start with the youngest.' You?"

"Just someone shoving me into a crawl space."

They separate in order to pull out their IDs as they enter the DC. Pretty soon they're meeting with Filly, but for now they're stuck eating here, which probably isn't the greatest for Kili's stomach. At least there's oatmeal in the mornings. The meal is held in relative silence, neither much in the mood to talk. By now Shay is seriously starting to wonder if it's possible to share psychosis because this just shouldn't be _possible_. And more than that, if neither of them are insane then this exhaustion will drive them to it. Even last night, though she slept she doesn't feel rested at all. If anything she feels even more tired.

Not long after they leave to do some homework on the floor of her room, pausing for a while to greet Emily's family. Even though she knows she won't have to spend this weekend alone (because more than anything she _hates _being alone), she still has to squash down the feelings of longing that her mom had come up because she knows that if she doesn't now, they'll only get worse later. She's already prepared herself for the knowledge that she'll get third-wheeled because that's inevitable. From what Kili says, he and Filly are really close.

Around four he finally gets the call and half-drags her down to the lobby to meet him. Filly stands there checking something on his cell phone and just _wow_ are the Durins an attractive family. She's seen a picture of him before, but it doesn't do him justice. Before she can be introduced, the two brothers give each other a very enthusiastic hug and she sees that Kili is about two inches taller than his older brother, which is all kinds of adorable. When they part, Kili grabs her by the arm and places her firmly in front of him.

"This," he says and she smiles awkwardly, "is Shayna Pasternak. Shay, this is Fievel Durin."

"Call me Filly," says his brother, shooting Kili a dirty look and holding out his hand. "Nice to meet you."

As they shake, she answers, "Nice to meet you too. You live in New Jersey now, right? Ridgewood?"

"Yeah. You're close, right?"

"Forty-five minutes or so. I live in Rumachenack."

Filly just sort of blinks and looks up at Kili who says, "See why I couldn't pronounce it?"

Despite how mean it is, she snickers and she knows her friend rolls his eyes without even having to see it. "I'm not even going to try," says Filly. "So, do I get to see your room or what?"

Kili lets go of her and they head back up to the second floor, walking past Emily who just sort of gaps at her for a moment before turning away. So, sometimes boy-crazy can be kind of funny. "Did you tell him about the knitting yet?" she asks her friend when they reach the suite.

"Oh, Jesus, I didn't," he answers and punches in the code to get into his room. "So, Filly, Owen kind of knits and there's yard everywhere."

"But it's still freakishly neat," she adds and Kili opens the door.

To satiate his roommate, even his side of the room is spotless, something that apparently comes as a surprise. "Your bed is made!" says Filly in wonderment and the bridge of Kili's nose flushes red. He's different now than he usually is, seeming somehow even more boyish. "Ma would have a heart attack if she saw this."

"Uncle Thorin, too," he says. "You should've heard him this summer, constantly telling me to clean up before I went to work."

Filly looks around, obviously inspecting the pyramid of yarn that she and Kili regularly make fun of despite liking the kid. A half-made cardigan lies neatly on the desk. Owen makes Shay feel like a failure of a woman; she doesn't know how to knit or crochet or own a pair of yellow rubber cleaning gloves. "Well you know him," the older one says, putting his hands on his hips and checking out the view from the window. "He likes everything to be all orderly. So you get to look out at the parking lot. That seems a little...bleak."

As Kili shrugs, Shay hops up on the windowsill to sit. "Keep in mind it's the visitor's lot," she says, crossing her ankles. What made her decide that pale yellow pants was a good idea? "Normally it's empty, so it'll look pretty if it actually snows this year."

"I hate snow."

"Well, aren't you just such a special snowflake."

Kili stares at her, incredulous, and she giggles. "You seriously just dropped a _Fight Club_ reference on me, didn't you?" he says and she nods, raising a brow in a silent question of _is that a problem_? And he is who he is, so he understands and just sort of looks down and shakes his head before asking, "Do you want to see the rest of campus, Filly? Shay and I'll show you."

With a shrug, Filly pushes away from the window and she and Kili lead him outside where they spend the next hour pulling the older boy around the small campus before going to see a movie. Shockingly, she doesn't feel third-wheeled at all.

.

_"You'll have to go on the train there without me," Avi tells her, reaching up to touch the side of her face. Mama, who is making kugel in the kitchen, would disapprove to see the two so close together, but they are alone. "I'm sorry, but Father needs me for the next few days."_

_Chava feels her face drain of color. Even though she lives in Brooklyn, a city too, but there's something frightening about Chicago and the idea of going on her own. It's the last city before the West and exists through slaughterhouses and bogs. They also have more skyscrapers than her City, and buildings that tall are ominous. As a girl who grew up in a small village not far out of St. Petersburg, the size of urban living is still difficult to comprehend. But she needs to trust that her fiance will join her soon, as he promised. _

_"It's all right," she tells him with a soft smile, pushing her hair from her face. Strands keep falling from her bun and she should have listened to Mama and Bubbe when they told her to always lace the corset after fixing her hair as raising her arms can be painful. "The letter Sarah sent said there's a hotel not far from the station. World Fair Hotel, I think is it's name."_

_Relief paints his face. Avi is Jewish-Russian too and was her first friend in America. Chava could not have asked for a better man to love her, even though they are both very young. "Send word the moment you arrive," he says, dropping his hand as the sounds from the kitchen grow nearer. Most likely Mama is just going to the oven, but they still should be cautious. Though she isn't a harsh women by any means, Chava is still the youngest and only daughter. "I should be there about a week after you, and I'll find you immediately, so remember the write the address. Then we can go stay with Yael, as promised." _

_"I swear I won't go to the Fair without you," she says and flicks her eyes to the clock on the wall. Avi will have to leave soon. "That way we can explore it for the first time together."_

_"I would like that." Then his brows knit with concern. "I don't like the idea of you on your own, Chava." _

_She assures him, "I'll be fine. After the surviving the Cossacks as a child, I think I can handle being alone for a few days."_

_Suddenly Mama appears carrying plates of dinner and they join her at the small table. Papa is working until late tonight and Chava knows how much she hates it when he's gone for too long. "Behave yourself when you reach Chicago," she says, reluctant to let her go. Convincing her was difficult, but she has yet to know that Chava will not be staying with her fiance's family right away. And if she and Avi weren't to be married two days after they are to return, she most likely would be forbidden to go at all. "Remember, you're a mentsh, not a tchatchke, so act like it."_

_"Mama, you know I'm not like that!" _

_"Chava -"_

Shay's eyes shoot open and she finds herself staring at a ceiling, breathing hard. The dream was by no means a nightmare, but her heart rate is jacked anyway. She's confused and she's scared and realistically, she knows she shouldn't be. But she is anyway.

Because for the first time, she remembers every little detail.

.

If you know what I'm talking about in the last part, I will love you forever.


	5. Chapter 5

I just found out one of my old one-shots got submitted to twenty-two communities. Cue mind being blown.

Also since it's simple history, you'll pretty much figure out one of Shay's past lives.

Note: obviously the Romans didn't wear kilts, but they had skirts in their uniforms. Also, sith is pronounced "shee" apparently, and is the Scottish form of fae.

Disclaimer: only own what you don't recognize.

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_The elders say you cannot kill a sith; killing a man, though, is easy._

_These soldiers standing at the edge of the loch call themselves Romans - call themselves men - but still claim they are invulnerable. Alistair and his people have yet to come to war, but the neighboring tribes have tales. He imitates the call of a Golden Eagle, facing the direction of the cliffs so the sound echoes. Several soldiers below lift their eyes to the sky, searching for the origin but he, unlike his his kin, has dark hair and dark eyes and blends in with the trees even in the dead of winter. He wears browns and whites to pass unnoticed in the forest, while these men wear bright red kilts and shining metal armor that catch the light of the cold sun horribly. He finds that the men are a bit like him: dark hair, dark eyes, but with dark skin too. Boarder, taller. Like sith. _

_But people say the fourteen-year-old's father was a selkie and Alistair can die. Kill on sight, were the orders. With necks and eyes exposed, who says they are impossible to slay?_

_Quietly, he slips an arrow from its quiver, the gold pheasant feathers shaking slightly in the breeze, and knocks it to his longbow. He knows his message carried and the other archers should be here soon. He counts twenty-two soldiers and has forty-six arrows. He knows the trees around here well enough to travel around without ever letting his feet touch the ground. Off to the side and facing in his direction is a soldier listening too intently on what the leader is saying to move and Alistair draws his focus to the man's left eye. He pulls the string taunt, pauses, and then lets it fly. No one notices the arrow until the soldier suddenly crumples over the table, gold feathers bursting from his face. _

_There comes an immediate uproar, the remaining twenty-one soldiers' eyes scrambling the trees to find the genesis of the attack, readying weapons. The leader shouts a command to a young man near the horses in a different language. Without even thinking, Alistair knocks another arrow to his bow and kills the enemy who falls where he stands, pierced in the neck. They begin looking in the right direction, their own weapons readied, so he shoots down one more before moving from this tree to the next. He needs to hold on the branch above to avoid slipping on the ice. _

_Enemy arrows fly in the direction of his former location, embedding into bark and snow, but none come near him. He twists, and takes out another. Then a fifth. Then sixth. As he hits an arrow into the leader's hip - for reasons of interrogation, not to kill him - the others show, a volley coming up from behind his tree, followed by a war cry. The Roman soldiers are in disarray, some trying to flee back to the main camp while others stay behind to protect their leader and Alistair aims for those retreating first. _

_Then, suddenly: "ALI!"_

_And the enemy arrow lodges in his side._

Kili jolts awake, shaking horribly and clutching his side. When he pulls his hand away and sits up, he half expects to find blood covering his palm or at least see splinters of wood, but there's nothing. Owen flops around as he sits up, blinking eyes catching what little light there is in the room.

"Are you okay?" the older boy mumbles, rubbing one eye as Kili slips out of bed. His side hurts like it really had been stabbed by an arrow. He's never remembered that much detail before.

As he pulls on his sweater, he answers, "Yeah. Go back to sleep."

He gets a sleepy, unintelligible noise as reply and slips out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. For some inexplicable reason, his side won't stop _hurting _and maybe he should've stayed in bed but by this point he's nearly moving on autopilot. He's now been in school for a little over a month and has spent more nights in the quiet study than he has in his own dorm. Shay is already in there waiting for him, a mug of coffee already made and placed in front of the seat across from her. Her computer is open in front of her. With a grateful smile, he plops down next to her, holding the mug in two hands like a child.

"I remember everything," she says, sounding miserable. "Everything down to the _year_."

"I now know the difference between a Roman and Scot arrow," he tells her, running his fingers through his hair. She looks like a wreck, and he can't imagine he's much better. It doesn't help that breathing is suddenly an effort. "I also feel like someone shot me."

"With an arrow?"

"With an arrow."

"Christ."

That about sums it up. The coffee scolds his throat on its way down. "What year?" he asks.

"Eighteen Ninety-Three," she answers. He tries to connect it to anything important, but either nothing happen or he doesn't know. "For the record, that's the same year as the Chicago World Fair and the year the Ferris Wheel was created. Do you know anything about serial killers, Kili?" Serial killers? What the hell? He shakes his head, too tired to speak. "Well, there was this serial killer there named H.H. Holmes who killed young, single women coming into Chicago for the first time to see the Fair called the World's Fair Hotel."

Kili is borderline positive he read something about this on the internet. "You had a dream that you got killed by a serial killer?" he says because that is a thousand times worse than getting shot with an arrow.

With a sigh, Shay says, "Actually, I had a dream I was telling a fiance named Avi that I'd be safe on my phone there for a few days. My name was Chava. I was Russian-Jewish same as I am now and my mom who looked nothing like my real mom told me I wasn't a _tchatchke, _which, by the way, isn't quite calling me a whore in Yiddish but is pretty close to it. Despite the horrifying implications, that is so slice of life that it doesn't even make sense."

"First time we met you told me all you remembered was red and someone yelling the name Chava," he says, his accent butchering the pronunciation of the name. She doesn't respond. "So, you basically had a dream that you were walking into a death trap."

"Essentially. Yours?"

It's actually depressing how patterned their late-night conversations are by now. During the day they're nothing like this. "I was in the Scottish Highlands," he explains, "and it must've been around the time the Romans started branching out in that area because I was up in a tree with a bow scouting for enemies and shot them. Then the rest of the...tribe or whatever, I guess, showed up, my uncle Thorin called my Ally, and I got shot in the side. I also did some weird signal call that I think was a golden eagle even though I've never heard a golden eagle before and I had pheasant feathers at the end of my arrows." He bites the inside of his cheek before adding, "Shay, I think we've gone off in the head a little."

For a moment they do nothing. Then, rather than comment on the distinct possibility of insanity, she asks, "Can you do still it?"

He blinks. "Do what?"

"The eagle call."

Feeling foolish, he imitates what he did in the dream, cupping his hands over his mouth, and makes the call. The sound echoes out, identical and clear. Shay has her phone out, light bright, and a moment later he hears the same noise projected back at him. "This is YouTube," she tells him. "Congratulations, Kili, you just learned how to imitate an eagle in your sleep."

"Well, I feel special." Shay laughs, but it seems strained. Considering the way he feels right now, he understands. These nightmares have somehow grown even more unsettling and he - no, that's too ridiculous a thought to even comprehend. "Anyway, I'm thinking of going job hunting tomorrow. I've waited long enough."

"That's what I was doing right now," she says and turns her computer around. There's a finished CVS application up and the next tab shows half the name of the diner two streets over. "There're so apps many online right now. I think I'm going to apply to the florists and costume store too."

He was thinking of applying at the diner too and for a moment entertains the idea of them working together. Then he mentally shoots it down because they'd never get any work done. Still, that place was apparently the only one around town that was constantly hiring so it might be inevitable. He says, "I'm just going to apply all over. I don't really care where I get a job. As long as I get the money to support my caffeine addiction, I'll be satisfied."

"So nowhere in specific?" He shakes his head. "I'm hoping to get a job at the costume store. I mean, I've basically done it before, both fitting and selling. I wish there was a Ren Faire close enough to work at."

On her Facebook, she has a picture of herself dressed in her Renaissance Faire clothes and while he might not normally go for that sort of thing, she really does make a hot fairy. The corset might have something to do with it. "I don't think many uni students can put that on a resume," he says, and finishes his coffee. "What time is it, Shay?"

She glances at her computer screen. "Five o' six," she answers before shutting her laptop. "Walk? I've got to put this away first, though."

"I think I'm going to put on real clothes this time," he says, standing. "Meet you back here in five."

"Might be a bit late," she tells him. "I'm going to clean this up first."

Normally they just leave it but it's been a weird night. He shrugs, leaves his coffee mug where it is, and exits the room.

.

A week later he gets a job at Michaels (Owen laughed for a solid ten minutes for that one) and Shay gets an interview at the costume shop and the diner. Out of sheer laziness, Kili doesn't really _want _to work but understands that he needs to because he only got paid so much at the pub he worked in back home. This, at least, has more flexible hours and with the hectic nature of his schedule, he hadn't really expected to find anything anyway. After his first day of work, he knocks on his friend's door and proceeds to flop on her bed, half asleep. For the past five he days, he hasn't slept the more than two hours a night and it's starting to take its toll.

"How'd it go?" she asks, sitting next to him after he and Emily exchange a hello. It comes out as more of a mumble than anything else because what happens to him happens to her too, something that they've grown used to.

"Fine," he answers, covering his mouth with his elbow when he yawns. "The manager seems like a nice enough bloke even if his eyebrows are permanently connecting. How about your interview?"

When she places her head on his shoulder, Emily excuses herself which is a little awkward. After she's gone, Shay says, "I'm borderline positive the lady who interviewed me is a lesbian who has a crush on me, which I think is a good thing because I got it. Work starts Friday."

Kili snickers because, really, only Shay would get something like that. "At least you go the job," he says. "How many other people work there?" She holds up two fingers. "Good luck around Halloween."

"I've dealt with worse," she says, eyes flicking towards the window at the sudden explosion of yodeling. This is the first time he's ever heard that on a Wednesday before. "Hey, Kili?"

"Hm?"

"Want to sleep together tomorrow?"

He blinks, confused. "What?"

To his surprise, Shay's actually blushing. "Just, you know," she says, "literally. I'm exhausted and sleep best with you and Emily's going home so it won't be too awkward."

Well, it's not like it hasn't happened yet anyway and she has a point. "Okay," he answers. "We'll put the tele on again."

"And watch _The Titanic _or something," she says, rubbing her eye. "That movie always puts me to sleep and Emily says I can raid her movie collection."

"I've never see it."

"You haven't lived, sir."

He rolls his eyes. "You're strange, you know that, Shay?"

With a giggle, she answers, "It's Kate Winslet lying on a piece of wood while Leonardo DiCaprio dies just so she doesn't have to be with the antagonist who acts like someone out of a cartoon."

"Sounds acceptable." He looks towards the door. "Where'd Emily go?"

"No idea," she says. "She's been doing this a lot lately."

Yeah, he'd noticed that too and he hopes it isn't because of him. From what he's seen, the two girls are pretty good friends. "Boyfriend?" he suggests and Shay shrugs one shoulder. Then, somewhat randomly, he adds, "I want a cat."

She lifts her head and looks up at him. "Excuse me?"

"My friend Bilbo's thinking of getting one," he says. "I was talking to him last night over Skype. He has a flat rather than a resident hall. Says he wants to name it Gollum or Smeagol."

"Both of those sound like curse words in some made-up language," she says before resuming her original position. "I want a cat too. We should get an apartment next year and get a cat. What would you name it?"

That is an excellent question. "If I had a female, I'd name her Galadriel," he answers after a moment. "For a male...I don't know. Smaug."

"Smog?" she repeats. "Like, pollution?" He shakes his head and spells it out for her. "And you call me strange. If I had a choice, I'd name it Crookshanks or Hermione."

"How about Crookshanks for a boy and Galadriel as a girl?"

Again, she giggles. "We sound like we're discussing what to name our children," she says. "Anyway, I have to write an essay, so you need to scram. I'll be seeing you tonight."

Unfortunately, this is probably true. Maybe sleeping together tomorrow won't be so weird after all. When he was a kid, he used to run to Fili or his parents before Da...well, before Da died. Or Uncle Thorin if he was around. About eight out of ten times it worked and after he grew out of that, they steadily got worse. In secondary school he'd tried substituting it a few times with his girlfriend, but it was never effective. But for some reason, it is with Shay and he can't figure out why. So he bids her a temporary goodbye and leaves, passing Emily heading back as he does so.

.

October third introduces the first somewhat cool day of the school year in the aftermath of a rainstorm and he has work, which means scrambling around looking for his hat. He quickly discovers it isn't here.

"What's wrong?" Owen asks as he enters the room and Kili's riffling rather frantically through his top drawer. It isn't that he particularly cares about being cold or anything, but rather that Ma will murder him if she finds out he doesn't have one and he doesn't feel like spending money on a new one. "Did you lose something?"

"My hat," he answers before giving up, shutting the drawer and tapping his fingers against his hip, trying to figure out if he left it back home as in Ireland or home as in Uncle Thorin's flat in the City. Hopefully the latter. "And if I left it back in Ireland and Ma discovers it while going through old clothes for that charity thing she does every year about this time, she's going to find a way to kill me through a cell phone call."

For a moment his roommate just sort of stares at him, which is a reaction he can understand. Ever since he was a kid, he hasn't exactly been materialistic and he's a relatively normal eighteen-year-old boy, so it's not as though he cares about clothes. "Did she make it or something?" Owen says and he nods. "Knit or crochet?"

"Knit," he says before checking the time on his cell phone. "Shite, I have to leave. Anyway, if you see it, it's a dark blue - think the color of Ravenclaw in _Harry Potter. _It's ridged, too. Horizontal. Sort of floppy because my Ma can't measure."

As he pulls on his jacket, the other boy points to the nearly finished cardigan and says, "Like that?"

"Yeah, yeah," he says. "I'll see you later. Text me if you see it anyway."

"See you!"

And he completely misses Owen's content little smile.

.

Since, for once, this is actually planned, they make it under the covers. He hasn't done anything this innocent since he was a kid and for a moment he feels a little awkward. Then she, for lack of a better word, snuggles past everything and curls up right on the side of him, eyes turned the movie on screen. Apparently the original DVD she meant to watch didn't work, so they're watching _Star Wars _instead. And he really isn't complaining.

As the beginning narrator comes onto the screen, he says, "I never would've suspected Emily likes sci-fi."

"Her favorite TV show as a kid was _Star Trek_," Shay answers, surprising him. "Not even I'm geeky enough to like _Star Trek_. Then again, my childhood was filled with Toonami, so I'm not exactly one to talk."

"Toonami?" he asks, adjusting his arm so it fits more comfortably underneath her. When was the last time he actually cuddled with someone?

"Anime," she explains. "Like, mostly boy-based anime. But I have an older brother, so I guess that makes sense. Didn't expect that one either, did you?"

Considering that the girl plays sports and never watches anything but movies, no, not particularly. "I don't exactly know what Americans watched in the Nineties," he says. "I existed on reruns of _Monty Python's Flying Circus_ and _Doctor Who_."

"My best friend was from England when I was a kid," she says. "When I was in seventh grade she moved back, but I used to watch _Doctor Who__, _too. Also, the actors who play Luke and Leia look nothing alike. No wonder they got the hots for each other."

Kili laughs. "Where the hell did that come from?"

She motions to the screen. "Look at her," she answers. "I mean, really. No similarity whatsoever."

He adds, "Neither of them really look like that actor who plays Anakin in the prequels either."

"Sure, but I like to pretend those don't exist." Yeah, most people don't, him included. "George Lucas is an odd person, isn't he?"

"Excellent observational skills, Shay."

Suddenly a Taylor Swift song starts blaring from the open window followed by the sounds of what's presumably a party, and his friend groans, turning around and slamming the widow shut harder than is probably advisable. The sound still leaks through, but it's muffled. American country-pop or whatever it's called is one of the few genres of music that he dislikes more than dubstep, which he's grown to hate after working in a pub for two years. And, unfortunately, everyone here seems to be obsessed with it too; most notably his suite mates.

After she resumes her earlier position, Shay says, "That was louder than the blasters in the movie. Have to say, that's kind of an accomplishment."

Her hair tickles his neck. "Not one to be proud of either," he says, eyes focused back on screen now. The music is going to make it harder to go to sleep, but she's warm and solid against his side so it shouldn't be impossible. Maybe that's why the nightmares aren't as bad around her - she's an anchoring point of concrete matter and completely not self-conscious of ending up like this unlike other girls who always seem afraid that they're going to crush him for something (and he's thin but not _that _thin).

Eventually he does drift off around the last fifteen minutes of the movie and stays like that all night long.

.

I needed sappiness, which explains the last two parts. I've had a seriously awful past two days.


	6. Chapter 6

**To the Guest who asked about Kili's name: **Simple - _The Hobbit _and LOTR don't exist in this world.

Disclaimer: only own what you don't recognize.

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Kili does this thing when he's pissed off where his eyebrows bend in and his mouth goes thin and his shoulders tight. Shay's only seen him like this three times since they got here, but this is somehow worse than the others.

It's midnight, and through guesswork she finds him outside near the outside basketball half-courts, which is only a two minute's walk from their dorm hall. He's running back and forth from one end to the other after the ball because there's no rebound - somehow, he doesn't seem to be able to miss. It's borderline _unnatural_, but according to his brother he was best in the archery league in his county so maybe it has to do with that. His eyes flick to her but that's all the acknowledgement she gets. If it were anyone else, she might even find it in her to be insulted.

After an awkward moment of being completely ignored, she asks, "What's wrong?"

He shoots the ball too hard, rattling the backboard. "Filly," he answers, running to go catch the ball before it bounces off onto the grass and like a good little friend, Shay positions herself right next to the basket, "decided _two weeks _after I told him to inform my uncle that the nightmares are getting worse." He shoots again and she catches it, throwing it back. "Since it's been so long, it seems melodramatic and Uncle Thorin suggested I go to _counseling _and so I got mad and told him he sounds like Ma, which makes me a bloody wanker considering that the reason I went and lived with my brother and him this summer is because I couldn't take her looking at me like that before and just _god_ I feel like a terrible human being."

Considering that Kili is pretty normal guy and "feelings" aren't exactly his thing, a ranting outburst is not something she expected. She tosses back the ball. "What did he do?" she says because telling him it'll be okay won't help anything. Not when he's this wound up.

"Told me to call him if I get a bad one," he says and finally misses, the rebound flying back to him. Even from this distance, she can see that he's shaking pretty badly. "But that isn't right because Uncle Thorin should've been giving me a lecture about talking back to him which means he's actually worried about me and it's been _two __weeks _so it sounds much more serious than it actually is and - Shay, toss it back."

She's holding onto the ball, refusing to throw it after he makes it in again. "Um," she says, "no. I'm kind of scared you'll break the backboard. And I'm sure it'll die down. You're literally five hours away from your nearest family members and you're eighteen; it's not exactly like they can force you."

Kili crosses his arms and honestly, she's never met someone this intense before. He goes from a smile that should come with its own personal warning to so pissed off that his body's working on overdrive just keep in control and yet somehow doesn't have anger issues. "That's not the point," he says, looking away from her. "It's more the fact that Filly waited this long to say anything and that my uncle feels the need to worry about me. Last time he worried about me - Nevermind."

"What?"

"Forget it," he snaps and the tone does, in fact, leave her a bit offended. Simply saying that he doesn't want to talk about it is easy enough. He doesn't need to be a dick about it.

She throws back the ball harder than she probably should but she played basketball for years and is still pretty good at it. He catches it, but seems a little surprised. "I'll see you later," she tells him, now sounding pretty annoyed too, and wraps her light sweater tight around herself as she turns to go walk away. Then Kili's hand is suddenly on her shoulder, stopping her. She turns her head and looks up at him. "What do you want?"

"Come with me to the twenty-four hour," he says, which isn't an apology but is still the best she's going to get. She has an older brother and knows that this is essentially saying sorry. "We'll get cobbler or something."

One of Shay's biggest flaws is her ability to hold on to grudges. When she gets mad, she stays that way. But this is Kili and it wasn't all that serious anyway. "Cobbler?" she repeats as he lets go of her shoulder and she takes his hand, which is enough of an agreement.

"Pie," he answers, leading her on their way. "Diners are supposed have pie, right?"

"Yeah," she says, kind of surprised that he hasn't let go and trying to figure out why she suddenly feels all tight and weird on the inside. This isn't the first time it's happened but it's scaring her and she can't pinpoint exactly when it started. "The apple pie's probably pretty good. Maybe that and hot chocolate?"

"That works."

The walk is ten minutes and they spend the entire time holding hands. Shay decides she's basically fucked.

.

_It's raining. Zisel stands pressed up against the corner of the small bedroom she and Irit share. She's shaking, holding out a knife in front of her as the men draw closer. Her hat's fallen off, her fluffy red hair in disarray, and her brother's shirt is sliding off one shoulder, torn at the collar. She's spent the past three years pretending to be Ben, quiet and silent, the others thinking he'd simply changed after the death of his baby sister and she hadn't expected to be found out any time soon. Not after all of this. _

_Her gun is hidden under Irit's bed, not even three feet away. _

_"One knife isn't going to do much," says the man in German, smiling sweetly and reaching out to touch her face. She lashes out, slashing him across the palm and in retaliation, she gets a slap. His blood runs down her face. At the same time, another one tries to grab the knife, apparently not finding it so funny anymore and she struggles harder than she ever has in her life, holding on tightly. "Fucking bitch. Alfred, let go!"_

_This "Alfred" does, the force of it sending her back against the wall, pain rocketing up her spine, but at least she still has the knife. "Where is he?" asks the third man as she lashes out out again, trying to at least make enough of a distraction to grab her gun. Sniper rifles shouldn't be used in such close quarters, but it's better than a blade. If there was one thing she could do, it was shoot straight. The man simply gets her in the stomach with his fist and the sudden lose of coordination it causes results in her cutting her own hand. "Where _is _he?" _

_She stays silent, because silence is her gift. Alfred and the first man exchange a look and Zisel isn't an idiot. "We can make you talk, girl," says the third man, apparently catching on to this plan too. _

_And Zisel refuses to go through this again, but three men can overpower her. She also isn't perfect; it takes a lot for her to be afraid, but it's rotting its way through her now, oppressive. As much as she loves her father, she doesn't know if she can realistically keep quiet. Not for a second time. _

_Once Alfred starts closing in, she slashes again, getting him across the neck because he's the shortest, and the man stumbles backwards. The third man catches him, but the first stares at her, moving but quickly stills. _

_"I'm fast," she says, feeling the tip press against the skin of her chest. Her lip is bleeding from the slap earlier. "One step and I do it."_

_"I think you're a liar. Or at least until after we finish with you."_

_"Hans, he's bleeding out!"_

_"Then do it."_

She wakes up to the sound of the door opening, heartbeat at least five times faster than normal. Emily's finally returned, swaying where she stands with a red Solo cup still in hand. Shay's out of bed and over to her friend's side before she can even really think, supporting her. "I think he hates me," her friend says, heavy against her side as she tries to maneuver the girl into the bathroom. "Shay, he _hates _me."

Fucking drunk people. As she gets Emily into the bathroom, she starts gagging again and suddenly they're in the stall, Shay holding back her hair. Her cell phone's back in the room but Emily's is in her back pocket and it's a split second decision that she takes it out. The other girl tries to ask what she's doing but is currently unable to do so, which makes it easier to remember Kili's number off the top of her head.

"_Hello_?" says Kili.

Admittedly, she sounds a tad hysterical as she answers, "Um, I'm in the bathroom with Emily. Help?"

"_On my way_."

Kili enters just as she's taking off her shirt. Emily's already forced into the shower, stripped down to her underclothes and covering her chest with her arms. "Shampoo? Bottom right hand cubby."

When he hands it to her, she sees that his hand is in front of his face, something she both appreciates and thinks is kind of silly. "I can't believe you're literally in the shower with her," he says and scoots away from the view of shower stall as she presses Emily to the wall to wash out her hair. "Like, that's _dedication_."

"Don't remind me," she says, then taps her friend on the face. "Emmy, stay awake!"

"He hates me." Suddenly Emily has the motor control to actually grab onto her shoulders. Her voice is coming out a whine and she's reduced down to sobbing again. "Shay, I threw up on his bathroom _floor. _And Alan was there too and they hate me."

Though it takes real effort, she puts on her best smile. "Shh," she says, moving some of Emily's wet hair from her face, "I'm sure it's all okay. They don't hate you."

"Y-you promise?"

"I'll even call Dean once you're in bed and everything." As her friend says something she doesn't pay attention to, she pokes her head around so she can see the sinks. "Kili, can you do me a favor and please, please, please go into her dresser's top drawer and get out a nightgown? It's the easiest thing to put her in."

Emily's hair is fine enough that it doesn't take long to clean and by the time Kili comes back in a few minutes later, the shower is off. His hand is in front of his eyes again. Really, he's completely adorable. "Arms up, Emmy," she says and though the girl pouts, she does as commanded. Drunkenness turns adults into children. "There you go. Do you feel sick, love?"

The pouting gets worse. "You saw me naked," she says, bottom lip quivering.

"You still had your underwear on," Shay answers and half-shoves, half-maneuvers her out of the bathroom and again, Kili covers his eyes. "There's nothing to see, I really don't care," she tells him. "Can you take her while I put on my shirt?"

Unfortunately, Emily takes that statement to refer to _her. _"I've got nothing to see?" she repeats and starts crying. "He'll never want me!"

"I'm taking about me." It comes out as more of a snap than she means to when she hands the girl off to her friend and grabs her shirt, sliding it over her head. Her jeans are wet, but there's nothing she can do about that. "And Dean doesn't hate you."

Instantly, the crying stop and Kili manages to get her out of the bathroom and into their dorm. "Really?" Emily says.

"Yeah, yeah," Shay answers and they get her on the bed. "You don't feel sick do you?"

"I'm not drunk! I can take care of myself!"

Even as she says it, the two sober ones are already tucking her under the covers. As they sit down at the end of the bed, leaning against the wall, Kili says, "Oh, of course," in a voice so sarcastic Shay can't help but admire it. Then he switches his gaze to her. "How're you feeling?" he asks, and she shrugs. Earlier she'd had a low grade fever but it's gone now. "If you think you can sleep, I'll make sure she's okay."

She answers, "I'm fine," and means it. "I took Advil. Sorry about this. I'm going to talk to her about it tomorrow."

"You said you'd call Dean, Shay!"

For the first time in years, she legitimately wants to hit something. _This _is why she hates boy-crazy. "He's in the shower," Kili says and Emily is way too far gone to realize this is lie. "Shay'll call him when he's out."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

Then Emily starts singing a Rihanna song that isn't entirely terrible because the girl actually has a good voice, but being drunk still makes it painful. Shay leans her head on Kili's shoulder, too exhausted from sleeplessness and her random fever to fully function. When her friend starts babbling about Dean again, she only half pays attention. The girl's awake enough on her own and after a while, it should be safe to let her sleep. It seems like all the alcohol is out of her system anyway.

When she checks her cell phone, she sees that it's only two. She'd forgotten how early she'd fallen asleep because of the fever. "Haven't you slept yet?" she asks, and Kili shakes his head. "Well, since we seem to be pretty parallel in our whacked out experiences, be prepared for insanity tonight if you do end up crashing."

Unsurprisingly, Emily has zero reaction to their conversation, caught up in her own little world. Thank god she's a happy drunk because Dad was a depressed one and that was always horrible to watch. "What happened?" Kili asks and Shay wonders if the other girl has even registered he's here because she has yet to say anything embarrassing. Or maybe this Dean guy's really taken over everything else.

"Well," she answers, "my father in the dream was a resistance fighter in World War Two Denmark or something and I was pretending to be my brother who I guess was dead or something and these Nazis found out. There were three, and they cornered me in my bedroom asking where my father was and then I killed one and threatened to kill myself. Sometimes I really have to wonder what's wrong with my brain."

"Hey, you're fine," he says, bringing his hand around and putting it around her back. "I'm the same way."

"We've both called each other insane like a thousand times."

"Your point is?"

"True."

Emily stops her rambling and Shay glances over to see her eyes have gone wide, staring at Kili and yup, here it goes. "Oh my god, you're here!" she says, and Shay honestly has to wonder how she didn't noticed when the boy actually talked to her. "Did you see me naked? Please tell me you didn't see me naked!"

"I didn't see anything," Kili says. "I just got here."

Of course, this implies that he popped out of nowhere, but that seems to have slipped the girl's attention. "Wait," she says, mouth going small in confusion. "Why?"

"I wanted to hang out with Shay," he answers. "That's all. Are you tired at all?"

A good half hour's passed and as long as they watch her she should be fine if she sleeps. And goes for a run right after waking up to burn the rest of alcohol from her system. That's what Mom used to make Dad do and it worked. "Yeah, a little," the girl says. It's actually kind of funny how easily swayed she is at the moment. "I'm gonna go 'sleep now."

"We'll bring you coffee in the morning," he says but her eyes are already closing, mind shutting down as she drifts off. A moment later, she's out. "I'm truly jealous of people who can just do that."

Even when sober, Emily can straight up fall asleep anywhere. Outside it begins to rain. "Thank you," Shay tells him. "Really, I mean it. I'll talk to her tomorrow about it."

"I think she's going to be okay," Kili says, looking at her roommate's peaceful face. "Want to try to sleep?"

If Emily wakes up at some point during the night, Shay's never going to hear the end of it, but she nods. They climb off the bed and onto hers and within minutes, they're both out.

.

"You've been sleeping with him every weekend?"

As she expected, Emily woke up during the night and saw them. Somehow, a discussion that was meant to be about her drinking ended up flipping back on Shay and a subject she'd rather leave unchecked. As composed as she can manage, she answers, "It's not sexually or anything. We both just sleep better with someone else there."

Her friend smiles, silly and stupid, as she takes a sip of her coffee. The shades are drawn and the light's off for the sake of her hangover. "Sounds to me like you've got a thing for the boy, sweetheart," she says.

And she's evil. So, _so _evil.

"He's just a friend," Shay says firmly, wanting to end this. Last night she managed to get a relatively good night's sleep (though Kili fidgeted a lot) and she just wants to get to work in an hour and enjoy the rest of her day. The rain's also finished by now and it's gorgeous outside. "Besides, we talked about this already, Emmy."_  
_

"I just had a really shitty night," the other girl says. "Cut me some slack. I threw up on Dean's floor."

"And you're never getting that drunk again."

"I swear."

Shay slips her key card around her neck, tucking it in her top. For a costume shop, the dress requirements are surprisingly formal: no jean, no shorts, no flip-flops or sneakers, no sleeveless. "Good," she says, tying the back of her dress. It's light blue and lace; the only reason she brought it is because Emily isn't the only one of her friends pushing to her to get a boyfriend. It's actually kind of funny, all these single girls trying to shove the one person who wants to keep that status into a relationship.

This is why most of her friendships are with guys.

As she slips on her heels (because, naturally, she doesn't own flats), Emily asks, "What size shoe are you?"

"A four," she answers, confused as she stuffs her thin wallet into the pocket of her dress. "If you're asking where I got these, I had to order them online. Do you want to get pizza tonight?"

"I'm going out with Dean," she says. "And nevermind about the shoes. I was going to offer you a pair that's easier to walk downtown in, but I'm a seven."

"I encounter this problem a lot." Shay looks down at her name tag, debating, before sliding it into her pocket as well. "Thanks, though. Think I should splurge and get myself something from the store across the street? I'm sure I can find kid's shoes that look vaguely professional."

Emily puts down her coffee. "I'll meet up with you," she says and even though Shay knows this is just being to make up for last night, she still appreciates it. Like most girls, she likes shopping, but shoes have always been so frustrating that she can't find it in her to enjoy it. "What time do you get out of work?"

Really, this is something she should know off the top of her head, but she doesn't. Instead of giving an actual answer, she says, "I'll text you. Now, I have to go, but I'll see you later."

Suddenly she's wrapped up in a very, very tight hug that she awkwardly returns. When they pull apart, Emily is smiling. "Thank you for last night," she says for the thousandth time. "Kili too. I'm so sorry."

Oh god, and now she's blushing. Ginger problems right there. "It's all right," she mumbles, shifting towards the door. "You'll make it up to me later with fashion advice, okay?"

"I'll keep my phone on."

Shay sends her friend one last smile before leaving.

.

Pretty much every chapter's going to have a dream probably. Hope you guys don't mind. It's just that I don't want their revelations to just come out of nowhere.


	7. Chapter 7

Again, guys, thanks for all the reviews. I really appreciate it.

Disclaimer: don't own anything you recognize.

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"Tell me I'm not crazy!" Shay stares wide-eyed at his side where he's pulled up his shirt, unresponsive. There's a panic forming in the back of his throat. "Jesus fuck, Shay, say something!"

She blinks and looks up at him. Kili is freaking out and trying to pretend that he isn't. "Nope," she says. "Definitely not crazy."

"But I was _asleep_." For the first time in a while, he doesn't remember the dream, but Owen woke up him around five in the morning to tell him he was bleeding. He gave the other boy maybe half a second of eye contact before running straight to Shay. It was less about getting patched up and more about just trying to prove to himself that it's really there. "And that's a lot of blood, so I'd really appreciate some help right now."

Her hands are shaking as she pours the disinfectant she has for all the blisters she gets onto a cotton ball. The mark almost completely surrounds his torso. "What the hell even _makes _something like this?" she says, dabbing the cotton ball all over until it's covered in blood and she gets another one. Kili is trying desperately not to make any sounds.

He answers, "I can't really check my back, but look at the shape of it."

Though she's already administrative the first of many, many band-aids, she looks up at him before circling around. Then: "What the _fuck_?"

"That's what I'm saying!" Giving up now on simply holding up his shirt, he full-on pulls it off, ignoring the shooting pain going up his sides and back. "Shay, this is a hand print."

She adds another band-aid to the one cut on his stomach. On his left side are four more, and the rest is all bruises. "And these are from nails," she says, worrying her bottom lip. "Kili, this doesn't make any sense."

"Yeah, I've noticed," he says dryly. "Anyway, this isn't like I could do this in my sleep so where did it come from?" She shakes her head, evidently as bewildered as he is. "This is bloody impossible. Look at the size of it!"

There's a strange, still sort of moment where she suddenly freeze, eyes strained on the bathroom mirror. Even more confused now, he looks up and makes eye contact with - well, _what_? It's him but not him, an eighteen-year-old Kili with scruffy stubble despite his face being cleanly shaven, his hair straight and shoulder length, his clothes done up like something out of the Renaissance Faire Shay works at and soaked in blood, a bow and empty quiver strapped to his back. He screams, jumping backwards, and the image disappears. It's just himself again, same old, curly-haired Kili Joseph Durin.

"You saw that, right?" she asks, voice shooting up a good octave. "I mean it was only there for like a second, but you did see it, didn't you?"

Then Emily's inside the bathroom, worry painting her face as she takes in the sight of the blood and band-aids. "What happened?" she says as Shay's shaking hands starts wiping off the mess.

"I got cut up," he answers, not wanting to explain. "Long story. Sorry for waking you up."

"Go back to sleep, Emmy. I've got it covered."

Though the girl looks doubtful, there are smudges of exhaustion under her eyes. "Wake me up if you need anything," she tells them before shuffling out again.

After she's gone, Shay says, "This'll be a weird question, but what were you dreaming about?"

So, she's starting to get it too. That sinking suspicion that something is wrong. "I don't remember," he answers honestly. "Not a single detail."

"Well, I'm not sleeping tonight," she says, throwing out the paper towels. "Odds are something like this'll happen to me too."

This is true since they seem so synced or whatever, and he doesn't like the idea of her falling asleep either. He isn't a big fan of getting hurt or seeing other people get hurt, but he especially hates the idea Shay getting banged up in any way. It's even more than he feels about Filly, because his brother can bounce back from anything. "We'll go for a walk or something," he says, trying to block the image of that other self from his brain. If Shay hadn't seen it too, he would've thought he was still dreaming.

Because, after all, that's exactly what he looks like.

"I need something more high energy than that," she answers, taking another quick glance at the mirror. "We could play basketball again now that we know that area of the gym is perceptually open."

The constantly unlocked storage area is something of a design flaw, but Kili's not complaining about that any time soon. "Sure," he says. Since he fell asleep in front of his laptop, he's still fully dressed and Shay is too and even though it's getting colder and the side and front of his shirt are bloody, it isn't horrendous yet.

They exit the bathroom and she sends a hesitant look at her dorm room door before saying, "I guess I can go without my cell phone for once," and follows him out into the hallway.

.

The cuts on his side don't miraculously disappear. They don't even stop bleeding for another half a day, and it takes a week for them to scab. It's itchy and uncomfortable and every time the two of them are together, Shay has to stop him from scratching. It feels like there's something in his system - poison or disease - though no infection forms. It's weird, and it scares him, though he's not going to say that out loud.

That isn't the only thing that doesn't stay. Out of the corner of his eye sometimes, when he passes a reflective surface, he thinks he sees someone other than himself. Like, someone who's him but not him at the same time, in weird clothes splattered in blood, mirroring whatever facial expression he's actually doing at the time. He's been throwing around words like "insane" or "header" for a while, but he's never really believed it until now.

Until, that is, both suddenly happen to Shay too.

He meets her in her suite's bathroom where she's spitting up blood into the sink. Her cell phone's next to her and she's wearing nothing but a sport's bra. Her lip is split like someone hit her in face and her body is covered in bruises. "I think I bit my lip and cheek in my sleep," she says, voice muffled as she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. The running faucet washes away the blood mess. "The bruises though? That I can't explain."

But her mouth doesn't look like a bite. "Lips only split like that if someone punches you," he says, moving her face to look up at him. He gets blood on his thumb, smudged now on her cheekbone. "Trust me, I've been in enough fights to know."

She reaches up and touches it. There's light rope burn on her wrists. If he thought he was wreck, he's nothing compared to her. "I look like someone beat me," she says quietly, looking down at her arms. "What's going - Oh my god!"

Like with his, the image is only there for half a second and she ends up jumping backwards, landing against his chest. It was Shay, same horrified expression, but her hair longer and braided under a fancy hat, dressed in a blue outfit straight out of the late Victorian Era, eyes grey instead of their weird blue-green color and face different. But it was gone as quickly as it appeared, same as his. Unlike last time, she asks, "What did you see, Kili?"

So he explains.

Shay turns around and away from him so fast she bangs her back and elbow. "God dammit," she says, roughly grabbing a paper towel and scrubbing her blood from her face. "We saw the same thing, which means this isn't shared hysteria."

It truly is wrong to feel disappointed by finding out he's _not _crazy. "It's got to be something," he says. "Stuff like this doesn't just happen to people."

"If I start hearing voices, I'm checking myself into an asylum."

"I can understand that."

.

Owen makes him a hat. It's dumped unceremoniously into his hands.

"Does that look anything like one your mom knit you?" he asks and dumbfounded, Kili nods. His roommates gives a little smile, obviously pleased with himself. "Awesome!"

He turns the thing over, looking at the other side. "Thanks, mate," he says uncomfortably before adding, "Why?"

The other boy shrugs, somehow looking even more awkward than Kili feels. "You just seemed kind of upset about losing it, you know?" Owen answers. "And I had yarn the same color, so I figured. Is that weird?"

It's somewhat unnerving how perfect of a replica it is, so he just sort of repeats, "Thanks. And it's not weird."

Owen smiles brightly. Jesus is he easy to please. "Go on," he says, "give it a try."

He slips it on, pressing down his curls and fitting snugly against his ears. It fits better than his old one, which was stretched out from years of being worn winter after winter. "It fits perfect," he says before taking it off again, folding it in half and putting it in his top drawer. "I guess I'll need it soon too."

"It gets cold fast up here," Owen answers, and he nods. Ireland gets cold too, but it's more damp than here, especially where he is. He misses the ocean and the cliffs. He's never been so far away from the sea before. "Anyway, glad you like it."

Not knowing what else to do, he gives another nod followed by a sort-of smile before Owen ducks his head back into his school book. Kili shakes his head and opens his laptop, getting a head start on his essay.

.

_Kili clings to his uncle's leg, face buried into the fabric of his shirt. He's twenty-six and too old for this, but from the look of him no one would know so he gets allowances on these sort of things. It's nearing midnight and he should've been asleep hours ago. _

_Uncle Thorin shifts, peeling him away and kneeling down in front of him. For a moment he thinks he's in trouble for acting so babyish, but instead his uncle just looks worried. "What's wrong, little one?" he asks, his usual gruff voice softened by the lateness of the hour. _

_Holding back tears, he answers, "My friends said I'm not a proper dwarf 'cause I haven't even started to grow a beard."_

_A big hand brushes his loose hair from his face. Like everything else about him, his hair is wrong. It won't hold braids and it grows slowly, still just a fluffy mess on top of his head. At his age, Filly looked normal. "They're wrong," says his uncle and he hiccups. "Don't listen to anyone who says that. You are a proper dwarf - you're a Durin." _

_Again, his family name. He's royalty and by default, supposed to be the perfect model of a dwarf. Instead he's skinny and fine boned and likes to climb trees rather than spend all his time earthbound. Being best at archery certainly doesn't help. "B-but they're my friends," he tells him. "I thought I was s'posed to listen to friends."_

_His uncle's eyebrows furrow. "Friends are not always kind," he says and stands, holding out his hand. "Would you like me to walk you to bed? Your mother would kill me if she found you still awake." He nods shyly and takes the outstretched his hand, letting Uncle Thorin lead off to the bedroom where Fili was probably sleeping peacefully. "Listen, Kili," the older dwarf continues, "you will soon learn that not everyone is who they say they are. You need to listen to criticism, but ridicule is something to be ignored. This 'friend' of yours just does not understand." _

_When they reach the shared bedroom, Fili wakes up, blinking his eyes sleepily. "Is everything all right?" he asks, rubbing one eye as Uncle Thorin picks Kili up and places him on the high bed that he can climb onto on his own with a bit of effort. _

_"Go back to sleep, Fili," their uncle answers. "It will be dealt with in the morning. You too, Kili. Goodnight."_

_Kili doesn't think he'll be able to, but he nods anyway. He snuggles under the covers and lies on his side, facing his brother. The two children echo their uncle who snuffs out the the candle. Even in the dark, he can make out Fili's form under the lumpy blanket. _

_When Uncle Thorin is gone, his brother says, "What happened, Kili?"_

_Out of a habit Mother is trying to break, his fingers go to his mouth and he bites his nails, nervous. Fili is very protective but he tells his brother everything so this will be no different. "Am I a proper dwarf?" he asks. "Uncle Thorin says I am and that I shouldn't listen to mean people, but I don't know." _

_Traditionally, Kili is something of a troublemaker, which makes this display of self-consciousness rare. After a moment, Fili says, "If this is about the beard, you're just growing in a tad a late. Who said this to you?"_

_"If I tell you, you'll beat him up and Mother will yell at you." _

_"I swear that I won't." But this isn't true and they both know it. He doesn't answer right away. "Kili?"_

_"Tulsali," he mumbles, burying his face in his pillow. "I want to go to sleep, Fili." _

_"Fine. Night, little brother."_

As his dream self drifts off, the real Kili wakes up, doing so just in time for Professor McKinley to dismiss the class. He hasn't slept in days out of fear (though he doesn't want to admit it) and it's started to take his toll if he's nodding off in class. And for once, he doesn't feel particularly afraid.

Just a little sad is all.

.

It starts out like this:

The strangeness of the past week has calmed down, the bruises and cuts healed, and everything goes back to normal. He and Shay sit in the quiet study talking about school-related worries. She says something particularly pessimistic and Kili shoots back, "Well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine."

She just sort of stares at him for a moment before she starts to laugh and he feels his cheeks redden, leaning back against the chair and crossing his arms. "Sorry," she says as she quiets. "That was up there with special snowflake, love."

After the first week or so, Kili got used to his friend pet-naming him - love, sweetie, honey, that sort of Small Town America sort of thing, so it really shouldn't be such a surprise that snowflake ends up getting thrown in there too and sunshine starts out of retaliation. It's not really a _conscious _decision when the two start doing it, but it gets absorbed into their vocabulary anyway. Both Emily and Owen think it's hilarious.

It feels weird, because traditionally he isn't like this and he's finally forced to acknowledge that Shay does something weird to him. It's not like all the girls back in Ireland, and he prays that it isn't what he thinks it is. She's just as badly messed up as he is and though that makes her great and all, the fact that they need to sleep together to be all right is practically poisonous. He isn't sure why it's something as simple as name-calling that sets this off, but it's there anyway, lodged somewhere in the back of his mind. Both ideas just tangle together is a messy knot of confusion and sometimes he catches her looking at him with her own expression of bewilderment. Maybe she's noticing it too.

But that doesn't stop them.

.

On Thursday night he gets desperate for sleep. He and Shay walk the twenty minutes it takes to CVS and buy Benadryl. It isn't the most noble solution in the world, especially since they were both doing it, but he had a feeling that curling up together just wasn't going to cut it tonight and he hadn't slept more than two hours in about the week.

"I feel like a druggie," she says as sit together on her bed, already under the covers. "Then again, I guess it isn't worse than what I used to do."

For him, it was this and Tylenol PM when it hit a point that he _needed _a good night's sleep. "What was that?" he asks, even though it's personal. "Personal" lost its meaning a while ago.

"Stole one of my mom's sleeping pills," she answers, catching him by surprise. "Yeah, I know it's bad, but I only did it when I was in high school and only during final's week, so like twice a year."

"Did she every find out?" he says.

With a shake of her head, she says, "She hadn't used them in years. Those things don't exactly expire either. I tried using Melatonin, but all of those natural sleeping aids knock me out for about twelve hours."

"I just never managed to get my hands on any," he says. "But I've explained my town to you before."

"True."

Home for him is on a sea coast and it takes twenty minutes to get aware. The town has a market-pharmacy run by Bilbo's family and that's about it. The pharmacy is a mix between over-the-counter painkillers, cold medications, and prescriptions. Other attractions end with a couple of stores, a bakery (run by Brean, one of Uncle Thorin's friends), a movie theater, and a couple of restaurants. Or, more like one restaurant and a pub that Ma wouldn't let him anywhere near until he was about fourteen.

Emily's gone home again, so they're in Shay's room. For once there's no movie on or anything, and it's not even midnight. She's in a nightgown and he in a pair of pajama pants because it's nearing thirty-five Celsius right now so fuck decency. Besides, she's seen him shirtless a thousand times and he's already seen her in only a sport's bra. She pours the proper amount into the measuring cup and hands it to him. When he finishes, she repeats and they lie down with the covers only pulls up to his waist, tangled together.

This is becoming way too much routine.

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Sorry this took so long. And that it kind of sucks. I've been through hell these past couple of weeks.

Also, I hate my brain. I've come up with _another _OC idea (but for _Supernatural_) and an AU post-series three of _Being Human_ fanfictions and just ugh.


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for the delay, guys. School sucks so much.

Disclaimer: only own what you don't recognize.

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The second week in October, Shay and Kili walk to the Michaels on the other side of town. It was her idea, of course; Kili didn't care much about Halloween. Actually, he's so reluctant in dealing with it that it's somewhat surprising. For one, he apparently can't even pinpoint _why _he hates it. For another, he's the sort of guy who should enjoy seeing girls walk around in skimpy clothing.

She'd call them whores, but she doesn't like hypocrites.

"You did _not _strike me as this kind of girl," he tells her, but a smile is tugging at the corners of his mouth.

As she finds thick enough craft wire, she answers, "I work at the Renaissance Faire, Kili. My job is built on accentuating attributes I don't have."

This, sadly, is true. She's got close to no chest and though she has hips, her entire back is just sort of flat. Neither of her parents look like this so she doesn't know how she ended up with this figure. She also isn't entirely sure how she ended up a ginger, but she doesn't really mind all that much. If there's one thing she likes about her physical self, it's her hair. Vain, sure, but lack of confidence is just annoying.

"What're you supposed to be?" he asks.

"A fairy," she says, slipping the wire into her basket along with the tulle and ribbon. "Halloween is the entire reason I bothered to bring my bodice to school. It's not like I'm going to wear at any other point."

He grabs the glue she's struggling to grab from the top shelf. "What type?" he says.

"Thanks," she says. "And I don't know. I mean, I got the feathers from the costume shop, so maybe a sky fairy or something. Or a sun fairy."

Now he really does smile, looking downright evil. "Because of me?" She rolls her eyes. "Aw, I feel so special."

She ignores him, looking down at her basket. She has glue, the pale yellow and white body paint from work, tulle, and wire. Her bodice back in the dorm is white with burgundy (unfortunately) lacing and velvet that sticks out the sleeves and bottom. Her boss gave her a plain yellow dress as a present that doesn't even reach her knees and the ribbon she's buying to tie the wings with is the same color. Her boots are a similar burgundy since she purposely coordinated it for work, so she might actually be able to pull off. Especially if Emily lends her those white knee-high socks.

"Please go with me," she says for the thousandth time, doing her best puppy dog face. "Please, Kili?"

He frowns. "You're going with Emily," he says, though he should know by now that this isn't a good enough excuse.

"Yeah, but she'll run off with Dean. Don't pretend you don't know this."

There's a pause. Then, "You are aware that I hate this holiday, right?"

She smiles. "We'll have fun, I swear!"

He seems like he's finally bending, something that might have to do with the fact that they're physically buying things, which comes as a relief. Half the reason she wants to do this so badly is because she hadn't been able to work this year. School started too early and she misses actually getting people to notice her. And she wants Kili to come and (she barely wants to admit this) see her looking good for once. The Renaissance Faire is the only place in the world where people think she's actually attractive. Otherwise, she's just sort of plain.

Reluctantly, he says, "Fine," and she wraps his up in a hug, tucked right beneath his chin. "If I'm miserably, it's your bloody fault," he adds.

She lets go, taking a step back. "If you really start hating it, we can go," she promises, and means it. "Let's head back."

They walk over to the register where Kili stands behind her and she remembers why she loves sales. The woes of being a poor college student.

"No working on this tonight," he tells her.

"Why?" she says, putting her stuff on the conveyor belt. "Because it's the weekend, snowflake?"

As he throws his arm around her shoulders, he answers, "Yup. Which means tonight, you're mine, sunshine."

It's an effort, but she stops herself from blushing. It scares her how fast this stupid crush developed.

All she can do is hope it goes away soon.

.

They aren't friends with anyone at the party besides Emily and sort of Dean, but the two of them disappear together quick enough. Kili is obviously put together last minute in a rugby jersey and jeans, but he always looks good so it's not like it matters. It isn't as fun as she thought it would be either. The air's been replaced by smoke and sweat and drunks of the opposite gender (and several times of the same) keep throwing themselves and the two of them. Normally she wouldn't mind this because she's used to it from work, but Kili's eyes keep flicking in the direction to some junior named Taylor from her four pm, only sparing Shay the occasional glance.

Of course, she tells herself, the first he met me I'd been awake from three days and was wearing a ratty nightgown from sophomore year. People don't recover from that.

"The Zhenka tastes like death," he says suddenly, putting it down on the table.

"Correction," she answers almost automatically, not paying attention to what she's saying. "More like the sold souls of oblivious college students."

He gives a short laugh and takes another look at her. Then his smile begins to fade and he grabs her head, pulling her in the direction of outside. She doesn't protest as the frat boy cigar smoke is filling her longs, and deposits her rancid "vodka" into an out-of-place potted plant. By the time they make it to the porch, she's dizzy and having trouble getting air in properly. So maybe this wasn't her most intelligent idea.

He gives her a lopsided smile that doesn't seem entirely genuine. "You look miserable, Shay," he says.

"Having trouble breathing," she answers, struggling to get in the clean-ish air. "Sorry, Kili. That hasn't happened to me in years."

"Don't worry about it," he says dismissively and pulls her further away from the frat house. As a kid, her dad smoked and she just has a bad association with the feeling of getting caught in it. Really, she should've expected this. She's such an idiot. "Like I said, I hate this holiday anyway."

Her gaze momentarily goes back to the back entrance of the house before she says, "Her name's Taylor Muriel."

"What?"

"The girl you were looking at," she explains. "We've got a class together. She's a junior. An RA in Bennett, I think."

Kili's mouth moves slights to the side and he looks to the ground, which isn't exactly the normal reaction boys have to a hot girl. "I don't recognize the name," he says and her silence is correctly taken as a silent _what the hell_. "She looks familiar. I just can't figure out why. It's not like I know anyone here."

"Maybe you've seen her around?" she says, kind of relieved that it isn't what she thought it was. "I mean, it's not a particularly big campus."

He shakes his head and looks up at her. "Definitely not it," he answers. "I can't really explain it, but it's - we made eye contact and it just made made me feel rotten."

Well, that's the complete opposite of what she was thinking. "Let's get out of here," she says and together they weave through the cluster of people. Suddenly she just wants to crash on her bed in a tangled mess with her best friend because she doesn't think her sleep will be particularly safe tonight. Even though she definitely likes him way more than is acceptable, that's not why she wants him. That's never why she wants him. All she wants is someone else to be there when she wakes up scared.

After about five minutes of silence, he says, "That happened with Owen, too," and his voice cuts through their bubble of quite. "It just lasted for a moment, but he felt very...sound. And I was afraid I was going to ruin him. That hasn't really gone away but, hey, he's so innocent it's wrong. It used to happen back in Ireland sometimes, too, like the first time I met Bilbo. I was, I don't know, _mad _for a second but sort of felt like I was supposed to tease him at the same time."

Shay doesn't entirely know how to react to this. "Does it ever happen back to you?" she asks. "Did it happen with me?"

"Not with you, no." She isn't sure whether or not to feel disappointed. "But to your first question...yes. Somewhat. Muriel back there looked irritated for some reason, but it gets stranger. The first time Owen saw me, he looked absolutely devastated. When I met David - that's his brother - he did the same thing, and it happens all the time back home. Do you ever have that happen?"

This is something she's never talked about before because it freaked her out so much. "There was this guy about two years back," she says haltingly. "He was Danish, I think, or somewhere in that area. I was walking in Ridgewood actually and we bumped shoulders on the street. I didn't think anything of it, it's Jersey, you know? But then he grabbed my elbow and spun me around and it was weird. He was like 'Zisel, I -'"

Suddenly she cuts herself off and stands shock still on the sidewalk, something clicking into place. She repeats the name and it comes out like a breath exhaled. Kili is in front of her, a hand on either shoulder. Eyes wide, she looks up at him and says, "That dream, the night Emily got drunk. I've - I had another one of someone putting me in bed when I was like five and God, that name."

Kili sits on the raised stone wall on the edge of the sidewalk that separates this from someone's yard. "Jesus Christ." His voice comes out hoarse, cracking. She finally gets herself to move, not touching the stone but moving so she stands in front of him. He looks down at her. It's obviously a struggle, but quietly, he says, "My da when I was like seven was sitting on his bed and we were alone. He just sort of stared at me and said, 'Your hair is supposed to be straight.' It's the last thing he ever said to me."

Though Shay doesn't know the details, she knows that his dad died. All air seems it whooshed out of her lungs again and breathing becomes harder. _I found you_, the man told her before she bolted in the opposite direction. He hadn't followed. Now she reaches up, moves some curls from his forehead. "We're okay, Kili," she says, knowing without _really _knowing that this is true. "We're shot to hell, but we're okay."

.

_His name is Ari and his eyes are green like the leaves of a date tree. When they met Ayala was__ fourteen and he fifteen and three months later they wed. Now he leans against the three, watching her gather olives as Malachi runs around, chasing a butterfly. Ari calls his name when he goes to far away and none of the other women need to nudge him back to his parents for once. They all love him here, as well as the young girl Dafna, because these children bring such joy. Already Ayala is beginning to show with the next addition of their family. Her husband watches her with the barest of smiles on her face. The other women call her lucky to have a man who loves her the way he does. _

_Once Malachi is close enough, his father sweeps him up in his arms and approaches her. Their son is the picture of her, all bright hair and flecks of sunshine on his nose and cheeks. His eyes, though, are entirely Ari's. Their beautiful baby boy. Sometimes Ayala wishes he can be frozen this way forever, never becoming old enough to follow her husband's footsteps and become tangled up in this war. Every soldier is important, she knows, but one man alone is enough to worry for._

_They communicate without speaking much, as they always have. As long as they can see one another, they understand. Malachi babbles about the butterfly and how he wants to touch it. She catches the sight of it fluttering not far overhead and Ari presses his finger against their son's small mouth, shushing him. She reaches out her arm, sleeve falling until it catches on the crook of her elbow. Then she stands very still, encompassing the silence of her husband and child and all the women who have stopped to watch. Even Dafna has fallen quiet, watching with wide eyes. _

_The butterfly lands on her finger as if called. Its wings are flecked a pale blue, a gold color bordering the outside. She smiles when she lowers her hand very slowly, catching it first in one hand then loosening her grip to hold it in two to protect it. The wings beat lightly against her palms. Even here, imprisoned, it is at peace. This is what Masada does; this old fortress is a garden in the sky that no one else can reach. As long as they stay here, they are safe. _

_"Be gentle," she says quietly to her son. He does so, small hand brushing against its fuzzy, narrow body. His green eyes are intensely focused on the small creature his mother holds. This is Ayala's gift. Those who are soft flock to someone who understands both happiness and sorrow to its fullest. Over these eighteen years of life, she has lost much but gained a husband and child with another on its way. Jerusalem has fallen but Masada is here and as long as there is somewhere to go, they can endure. "That's enough, Malachi."_

_Reluctant__, he removes hand from her and she opens her cage and it flutters out, back into the open air. The wings are the color of the sky and the color of her eyes. Her son watches its flight until it's long gone and she looks to her husband for reassurance._

We're safe, _his face tells her. _Everyone here is safe.

_And Ayala believes him because Ari has no reason to lie._

Masada, she thinks as she wakes up, looking around the room. Masada is the garden in the sky.

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One truth about Shay is that she doesn't cry. It's been so long that she isn't sure she knows how.

Moments like this, though, make her wish she did.

"What's going on?" Kili asks her as she shifts her weight back and forth on her feet, anxious. She has the worst feeling the world and doesn't know what to do about it.

"I said let's get out here," she repeats, pushing her fingers through her hair. "Just, run. It's like three in the morning. We can get last minute tickets to New York or Boston or -"

Her friend grabs her harshly on both arms, eyes scanning her face. "What happened?" he says and she knows she must look bad, midway to panic attack and all. "Shay, I need you to talk to me."

"I don't _know_," she answers, shaking now. "Just - I can't - only for the weekend. Anything to get out of here."

In truth, he looks as bad off as she does. Of all the nightmares and horrific dreams, nothing has messed her up as badly as four days ago. And she knows it's that way for Kili too because he _told _her. Told her about the dream of forcing himself to stand after getting injured and watching this girl from a distance as she trailed after her father. He never saw her face, he told her, but her hair was red, red like yours, Shay. In the dream he was supposed to be marrying her but then it just sort of cut off without warning and he was awake.

He doesn't let go of her, continuing to hold her at arm's length. "Listen," he says, voice slow in a way meant to calm her down, "I want to get out too, but neither of us have money for a hotel."

"Then we'll just go for the day," she says, desperate. "We can go to Boston really early in the morning and walk around until we tire ourselves out. It's like twenty-five round trip for a bus and the ride's like an hour. Ple - Just, God, Kili, _please_."

If he says no, she's going anyway because suddenly this small campus is suffocating. "Will the anxiety go down if you do this?" he asks and she nods even though she doesn't know it's true. "Okay. Okay, Shay. The first Friday bus leaves at six, so we have three hours to get everything together and make it to the bus station."

She suddenly feels boneless and looks up at him, feeling helpless and confused. It's been a long, long time since she got this bad. Last time was when she stole the sleeping pills and once one didn't work, she took two and passed out for twenty hours. The human body isn't supposed to run this long without sleep and she's starting to feel the effects. She has a feeling this abrupt, very open display of emotion is making Kili uncomfortable, but she doesn't care. It's making her uncomfortable too.

She's never put this much trust into _anyone _before.

"Final bus leaves at midnight," he says as he leads her out of the quiet study. Her brain is shutting down in her own panic. Even though she and her mom aren't on the best of terms, all she wants to do right now is _go home_. Four days. Isn't this used as a torture method? "That gives us plenty of time to walk around."

"Are you okay with this?" she asks, not wanting to drag him along on a trip he won't like.

As they go split ways and gather their stuff, he answers, "I've never been to Boston. As long as we don't need to pay for a hotel room, that's good enough for me."

.

Later, on the final bus back from Boston, the two of them sit in the back, slumped together. Her plan worked apparently because after a day of wandering Boston, she's exhausted. The only thing keeping them awake right now is the general fear that they're going to have a nightmare on public transportation. Her head's on his shoulder, his on top of hers. The old lady sitting diagonally in front of them keeps glancing backwards, like she expects them to start fornicating or something. Can't she see that they're just tired?

"This was a really good idea," Kili mumbles into her hair. "Think I might actually be able to crash tonight."

She holds back a yawn. "Meet too," she says, turning her head slightly. Her face is against his shirt again, close enough for her to smell the Febreze. Owen is adorable. "Wish we could've stayed the night."

"Yeah, that would've been nice." They both sound so sleepy it's ridiculous. "Maybe next time we'll go to New York. Stay with Uncle Thorin."

"Would he mind?" she asks, rubbing her eye. Honestly, she isn't in the mood to talk now that she's half dead, but they both know it's the only way to stay awake. And from here they'll have to take the ten minute walk back to the dorms.

"No," he answers. "I actually think he'd really like you."

"Hm. Why?"

He shrugs the shoulder opposite on the one she's resting on. "Just think he would," he says, which isn't really answer but she lets slide anyway.

By the time she's in bed, she's so exhausted she sleeps an entire night through.

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I know the dream sequence is kind of weird. I apologize.


End file.
